How to save a life
by namine redfield
Summary: Matt casey is really hurt after Hallie death's and he only has a thinking in his mind. Will his friends able to help him to recover? How will react Gabby after he confess her what he is going to do? Chapter 9: Nurse Severide UP NOW
1. Without you I can't survive

**Hello**  
**How are you? I had just finished to see the last episode of the first season of "Chicago Fire" and I have to say that the first season was awesome! I really can wait to start to see the second.**

**However, I really feel bad for Matt he lost Hallie and he was really hurt because of it. **

**So, I decide to start a new fanfic about that, and how his friends help him to recover of that. I hope that you like it this chapter and let me some reviews.**

**Just a remember, English is not my first languaje so it is possible that the chapters have some gramatical or spealling erros, so please forgive me or tell me so I can fix it.**

**Thanks,**  
**Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 1: Without you I can't survive

Two weeks had passed since Hallie's death. During that time Matt wasn't able to sleep more than one or two hours each night. He has blamed himself of her death. He didn't mind what the coroner said in his report, if he had been stronger and faster, she will continue live.

Part of the first week after her death, he was working with Antonio Dawson and his partners in the fire investigation of the clinic. When they found who was responsible he came back to the firehouse.

In the fire house all the people were around him keeping an eye on him and making sure that he was fine. He was feeling angry because someone of his crew was asking him each five minutes how he was doing. Boden recommended him to take some free time but he refused his offer saying that in this moment he could not be in anywhere but there.

However, during the last call Matt showed to them that he wasn't fine and he even put in risk his own life without care about possible consequences. Shay asked him how he was he just answered that he was fine in spite of having a first degree burn in his right hand.

In the truck, while they were came back to firehouse, Herrmann was telling to the others firemen, how Kenny and Cindy were and all of them were making jokes to him about that, except Matt. The youth Lieutenant was in his own world. When they arrived to garage, Matt saw that Boden was there waiting possibly to him. Looking his face he can say that he was angry. One by one all the firefighter went out of the truck, Matt was the last one.

"Casey to my office now" Boden said angry "Herrmann, you're now in charge of the truck"

"What?" Herrmann said surprised "But Casey…"

"Chief?" Casey asked

"I said you to go to my office" Boden shouted to him making that all the people that were in the garage that moment looked to him

"Yes sir" he said without making eye contact with his chief.

Few seconds after Matt leave the garage Boden when to his office.

"What it is going on?"Shay asked when they arrived after taking a victim to the hospital

"Boden was really angry and shouted to Casey" Otis said

"And now they are in his office" Mouch said "I think that he is going to send him to his house"

"Oh god" Gabby said

When Boden arrived to his office he saw that Matt was standing there waiting for him. He entered, closed the door after him and sat in his chair looking to Matt all the time.

"Can you say me what the hell is on your mind in this moment?"Boden asked trying not to shout to him again.

"I am so sorry about what happen in the last call, sir" without looking at his face

"this is not what I asked you? Come on Matt tell me what it is going on? I really want to help you. I know that you are having a really hard time"

Matt continued looking to the ground and refused to answer his question.

Boden rose from his chair and approached to Matt "It's about Hallie?"He asked him softly.

"It not your business chief" he said feeling his eyes with tears

"Alright. I want you to go home and don't come back until I call you"

"sir, I am fine. I can…"

"No you can't. You almost kill yourself today in the last fire. I want that you talk to a psychiatrist. If you want I can go with you or you can ask to one of your partner, I am sure they will be glad to help you, I don't mind, it's your decision."

"I am not going to speak with anyone" he said defiant given his back to him and without his permission he was prepared to leave the office.

"Go home and wait my call" Boden said before he closes the door "Be safe Matt" he said when Matt left the office

* * *

**I hope that you like it. **

**I will try to have the next chapters of this Fic and of my fic "Let her go" as soon as I can.**

**see you =)!**


	2. Hurtful words

**Hi everyone!**

**Like I promised some days ago here you have the second chapter of this Fic. Thanks so much for all the reviews (Whoa! 7 reviews, 2 Favorites and 6 Followers) I couldn't believed! =). Really thanks so much to:**

**-M. Louise E:Thanks for follow my fic and for your review. I am glad that you like it =)**

**-goldistic: thanks for the follower. Thanks for say that my writting is fine. I usually write the chapter and the next day I proofread everything and read it again. When I happy with it, I put on FF. Besides, when I am reading some Fic I usually take notes of some expressions and try to use them. :p**

**-Guest 1: thanks, I hope that you like this chapter.**

**-Guest 2: thank you so much, I will try to have the next chapter as soons as I can**

**-Ms Isabella: Yeah! poor Matt he doesn't deserve all the thing happen to him in the first season :/ he is a nice guy!**

**-jscat2: You have reason, second season is awesome. Today I see the episode 10 and I almost cry because what happen to Matt. I can wait to see the next episode ^^**

**-Wilhelm Wigworthy c:Thanks for follow my fic**

**-Ilovethisbar: Thanks for follow my fic and for the favourite ^^**

**-VikiDaisy226: Thanks for follow my fic and also for the favourite**

** : thankks for the follower.**

**Finally, just let you know that I will try to have the next chapter as soon as I can. It is going to be after I publish the next chapter of my other fic about "Chicago Fire" namely "Let her go"**

**Thanks so much for your support and reviews.**

**I hope you like this chapter and let me some reviews.**

**Bye, Have a good wekend!**

* * *

Chapter 2: Hurtful words

Gabby was cleaning some of the new glasses of Molly's, when Otis and Herrmann entered with some boxes in their hands

"I am just saying that is strange" Otis said leaving one of the boxes in the bar

"Oh, come on are you kidding me?" Herrmann said ironic

"What is going on?"Gabby asked them

"Casey" Otis said

"And what is going on with him?" she asked concerned about what could happen to her friend

"When Boden send him home in the last shift, he cleaned his locker and let it unlock"

"And what is strange in it?" Herrmann said. "Boden sent him home until he calls him. It is normal that he took his thing in case he need it right? And Maybe he forget to lock it" Herrmann has known Casey since he entered in the firehouse fifty-one and he knew that his lieutenant never will do something like that; however, he want to believe that he will never do something stupid.

"Yeah, but why he took his pictures?" Otis asked worried about the strange reaction of his lieutenant.

"his pictures?" Gabby asked surprised

"yeah! All the pictures that he has in the door of his locker have disappeared"

"Guys, I have to leave for a few hours" Gabby said taking her jacket "I am sorry"

After hear that Matt took his pictures and his things, she was worried. _Why he took his pictures? Isn't he come back to fifty-one anymore? _She thought. She drove to his home in a record time. His car was still parked in front of his house. She parked her car near to his, got out of her car and approached to the door of his house. She saw that near to the door there were some old newspapers. She knocked his door and wait that he answered it. _Maybe I'm exaggerating I am sure that he is fine. _She grabbed the doorknob and she surprised when she saw that the door was not locked.

"Casey?" she asked entered in his house.

His house was a completely mess. There were some boxes of takeaway food, dirty dishes, empty beer bottles and dirty clothes in his living room and dining room. On the couch there was a pillow and a blanket. She continued walking and saw that Matt was sitting in his dining room with his head between his hands. He was wearing a grey sweatshirt and black sweatpants.

"Matt?" she said walking toward him

After heard her voice he rose completely surprised from his chair. He was a completely mess. His hair was disheveled like if he had got out of bed some minutes ago; however that was impossible because his beautiful blue eyes that she loves had dark circles around them and they looked also irritated like if he had been crying during a long time. El looked like if he wouldn't have been asleep in the last few days.

"Nothing" he whispered "Nothing has sense" and he started to cry again

Gabby gave him a hug and rubbed his back and head while he crying bereaved in her shoulder. Matt continued crying in her shoulder until he collapsed in her arms and he wasn't able to continue of be stand up during more time. Gabby sat down both of them on the floor.

"Shh it is going to be fine Matt" and she continue rubbed his back until he stop of shaking in her arms. "Matt I think that you are going to be more comfortable in your bed. The floor is cold and you could get a cold" she said caressing his forehead.

"Ok" he whispered weakly.

He tried to rise from the floor but it was impossible and he lost his balance so he sat again on the floor. Gabby rose and helped him to stand up.

"Come on. Let's go to your room. You need your rest" and grabbed him by his hands and guided him through his house.

_At least the second floor wasn't so dirty_ she thought. Slowly they made their way to his room. When they entered to the master room Gabby saw that the bed looked like if no one had been sleeping there in the last few days which confirmed her suspicions.

"Come on Matt. You need to sleep at least few hours" She enter in the room but Matt remained standing at the door of the room without moving. She took again his hands and guided him to the bed.

Carefully she sat him on the edge of the bed after remove the duvet. Matt looked like a lifeless doll that could not move by himself and this broke Gabby's heart. Matt was always strong but in this moment he looked so weak like a little child. Gabby gently pushed him to lie down in bed and cover him with the duvet.

"Close your eyes and try to sleep" Matt slightly nodded and closed his eyes.

Few second later he was deep asleep. Gabby affectionately patted his head before let the room and went downstairs with the intention of cleaned all the mess of the ground floor.

Two hours later his house looked like in the past. Everything was in its places again. She put in the rubbish all the empty beer bottles and takeaway food, cleaned the dirty dishes and did the laundry.

Proud of how clean and tidy the downstairs look; she came back to the master room to check if Matt was still sleeping in his bed. When she arrived to the door she heard that Matt was muttering something like if he was having a nightmare. Without loss a second, she entered in the room and watched in horror how Matt was moving in his sleep with the duvet tangled in his body.

"Breathe. Baby. Breathe" He was muttering crying

Gabby walked toward to the bed and tried to wake up him.

"Matt. Wake up" she said patted his cheeks "come on Matt. Hey, how are you?" she asked when he finally opened his eyes "I think that you were having a nightmare" she sat near to him in the bed.

"Gabby?" he asked surprised "What are you doing here?"

"You don't remember? I came here two hours ago for seeing how you were and you were a mess. I think that you were in shock"

"Get out of my house now" he said feeling embarrassed that one of his best friends saw him in the pretty bad state that he was a couple of hours before. He knows that he was in a deep hole and need help, but he wasn't able to ask for it; it was so difficult for him.

"Matt there is nothing wrong in say that you need help. There is no shame on it. You are having a rough time, so please let me help you" she said rubbed his back "come on I am going to prepare you something to eat"

"I said Get out of my house! I don't need your fucking help" he shouted to her removing her hand from his back violently.

After his last words and action Gabby wanted to cry how she never did it in all her life. Her best friend, which she was secretly in love since long time, was not only rejected her help but also entering in a deep depression. Her heart was broken. If it had been someone else maybe it's wouldn't have hurt so much, but It was Matt and that change everything. They were always best friends.

Crying she get up of the bed and made the way to leave the room not without looking at him one more time. He had his head between his hands crying disconsolately again. One part of her wanted to stay there for him and hug him, but the other one was really hurt by his harsh words.

"Bye Matt"

"Gabby" He said still crying "I am so sorry. Gabby" he said hyperventilating. "Gabby"

Although Matt had said sorry, she felt the need of getaway from him for at least a few minutes. When she has calmed down she would go back to his house and not move from there until she was sure that he was better.

She knew that Matt would never speak to her in that way and if they had done was because of the lack of sleep, rest and anxiety that he was having in that moment. She knew him since a long time and she knew that when he didn't sleeping well, he could be irritated and frustrated by the lack of concentration. A lot of thing had happen to him in the few months. After a few minutes, she was felling more relaxed that before; so she came back to the house with the intension to help him even if he doesn't want her help.

Matt felt so broken when he heard Gabby closed the main door. He knew that he need help but he felt weak if he do it. He was always strong and never had to ask for help, so he didn't know what to do. He was always the one who help people. He felt how his little world was crumbling every second. His head hurt as well as his heart. _"She hates me and she will never want to speak with my again"_ his mind said. All that he wanted to do was to sleep and forget how much he had hurt her best friend and maybe when he gets up again in a few hours he could discover that everything that happened few seconds ago was a big nightmare.

He was frustrated and irritated because he couldn't back to sleep. He left the bed and walked to his bathroom with the intension of take some pill that could help him to sleep. He take one of the bottle that there was in the mirror cabinet and came back to his bed.

He took one of the pills with his trembling hand and swallowed it. He rested his head in the pillow and tried to sleep; but it didn't work. Few seconds later, he took other two pills and swallowed them also. Its frustration grew as he was still not being able to go back to sleep. So he continued swallowing pills until realized that the bottle that previously was full now was completely empty.

Quickly, he felt how his body was relaxing. He felt so good now. He lied down in the bed and closed his eyes. _What have I done? I am going to die. I need help. _His mind said. He tried to move and take his mobile phone but it wasn't in the room. His body didn't allow him to move anymore.

"I am sorry Gabby. I hope that you can forgive me someday" he said with his last breath before close his eyes one last time.

* * *

**Hi**

**I know that some of you really want to kill me now for how ended the chapter. **

**But don't worry I will try to have the next chapter soon.**

**Bye,**

**Namine Redfield**


	3. Encouragement

**Hi how are you?**

**Thanks so much for all the support of the previous chapter:**

**-Ms Isabella: Thanks for not killing me XD. I hope that you like this chapter**

**-country-chick-20: I love it Casey, I am not going to kill him so don't worry or maybe I do? (evil laugh) You will see it... **

**-jscat2: here you have the second chapter, I will try to have the next as soon as I can becuase I don't want to let you with that end during one week...**

**-M. Louise E: Yeah! Matt is going to need a lot of help from his family and friends. Take care you too!**

**-goldistic: thanks for saying that my writting is improving that mean a lot for me =). I think that this chapter is also a little bit sad and heartbreaking sorry. And thanks for add the Fic to your favourite list ^^**

**-sweety764u: thanks for add my fic to your Story Alert subscription.**

**-emat90: thanks for the follower**

**-blueoctober: thanks for the follower**

**I hope that you like it this one also. What will happen Will Gabby arrive on time to save Casey?...**

**I will try to have the next one as soon as possible, I will try to have it for at least on Sunday morning or maybe early evening on sunday. Besides, I want to say you that during the next week I will not be able to write any new chapter because my family is coming to visit me! So, sorry but i will not be able to write anything.**

**Finally tonight there is a new episode of "chicago Fire" after two weeks (Well in reality for me will be in two days more =/). Yesterday I saw the episode 2x16. And I think that this second season is even better than the firts one. What is goign to happen with Jones? how will react Casey after Gabby told Jones what her father want to do?... I can't wail to watch it =)**

* * *

Chapter 3: Encouragement

Feeling more relax than after her discussion with Matt, Gabby decided to return to his house. She went upstairs and entered again in the master room. Matt was lying face up in his bed with his eyes closed. She smiled thinking that maybe after rest a few more hour, a warn shower and a good dinner, he will feel a little bit better.

She went to his wardrobe and she grabbed a blanket for tucking him. When she tucked him, she saw that Matt's right hand was squeezing something strongly.

"What is this?"And she tried to open his hand. It was a bottle of pills for sleeping. However, there was something strange in the bottle. The purchase date was yesterday and it was completely empty now "Matt! What do you do?" she said scary while she tried to wake up him. Rapidly, she called an ambulance. "Come on Matt you have to resist. The ambulance will arrive in five minutes" she said crying

Gabby brought her face to his nose to see if he was still breathing but she wasn't sure, so she tried to find his pulse. But he didn't have it. He was suffering a cardiac arrest and his lungs stopped of breath.

Gabby opened his mouth and began to compress on his chest. "One, two, three". She stopped of doing compressions and covered his nose with one hand while the other she held his chin firmly. Without hesitation she pressed her mouth against his to give her breath. But he still did not breathe. "Come on Matt" her tears fell down her cheeks and she compressed again in his chest "one, two, three" and one more time she give him her breath. She repeated the procedure two more times. The last time that she separated her face from him, he began to cough violently with tears in his eyes. "Matt. The ambulance is coming. You have to resist and don't sleep".

But he wasn't able to stay awake longer so he closed his eyes immersing in a secret place full of silence. A place where the only thing you could do was wait.

Few minutes later an ambulance arrived to the house. Gabby explained to the EMT what happened and which pills he might have taken. Without loss any second they put him an IV because he was dehydrated and an oxygen mask and carried him to the nearest hospital.

Gabby did not separate of him in any moment always holding his hand. When they arrived to the hospital some doctors were waiting there.

"What do we have?" a doctor shouted as soon as the ambulance's gates were opened and the EMT pulled the gurney out.

"Man 29 years old. Possible attempt of suicide with barbiturates. He had a cardiac arrest some minutes ago. His pulse is weak and his vitals are stables" one of the EMT said while the gurney advanced.

"Ok. I want him in Trauma 1"

"I am sorry ma'am but you cannot pass" a nursery said to Gabby

"I am his friend" she said shocked because in that moment was when she realized what Matt tried to do. He tried to kill himself with those pills. He her best friend that until yesterday when he were in the firehouse seemed well were now laid in a bed with the only desire of die. _What were you thinking Matt? _

With trembling hands she took her cell of her jeans and called to Shay with the hope that her friend could go to the hospital because in that moment she couldn't be alone. She need her friend more that in any other time in all her life.

"Shay?" she said crying

"sweetie, what happen?"

"It's Matt. He tried to kill himself half an hour ago" she said shakily

"He tried what?" she said completely shocked "In what hospital are you?"

"What happen?" Severide said approaching to Shay

"Lakeshore" Gabby said

"Kelly and I are on our way to there, alright? Honey, take it easy he is going to be fine" she hung up the call and stared at Kelly trying to find the right words to tell him that some minutes ago his best friend had tried to kill himself.

"What is going on Shay?" he said "How is in the hospital?"

"We have to go to the hospital. Matt" she doubt between tell him the true or not.

"Matt what?"

"he has tried to kill himself"

"Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Because it not funny" he said annoyed

"Kelly, it is not a joke. Matt is in Lakeshore in this moment and Gabby need both of us there" she said seriously

/

It had been ten minutes after the ambulance arrived at the hospital. No doctor had left the trauma one to inform her who Matt was. After called Shay, she called also to chief Boden to let him know that she and Matt will not go to the next shift so he need to cover both absences. She didn't explain to him why Matt was in the hospital, however he insisted in going to the hospital.

She felt so useless in that moment. Maybe if she didn't leaves the house when he asked her for forgiveness and not to leave, he didn't have taken the bottle of pills and he will continue alive and not in a hospital bed_. I should be there for him like he was for me each time that I need him. _

"Gabby" Shay ran to her friend and hugged her "How is he?"

"I don't know. They took him to trauma one ten minutes ago. Nobody say me anything"

"Don't worry. I going to go to the desk and ask who his doctor is. Kelly please stay with her"

"Sure" despite of being in the hospital; he still could not believe that his best friend, which he considered as his own brother, had attempted suicide.

"What happen?" Boden said behind them.

"Matt has taken a bottle of pills" Gabby said shocked

"How are you Kelly?" Boden asked to him knowing that both lieutenants were best friends since both entered in the firehouse fifty-one as candidates.

"I can't believe it. How could he do something like that?. He was always the strongest of all of us. I mean, when a firefighter has died or we have had a difficult call, he has always been the shoulder to let off steam"

"Maybe Matt is more fragile than we thought"

"Guys. The doctor is ready for speak with us" Shay said

All of them walked down the long hallway to talk to the doctor. When they arrived where he was, the gate of the trauma room one were opened and a gurney with an unconscious Matt walked past them. Matt was wearing a hospital gown, an IV, a heart monitor and the most impacting of all, a breathing tube in his mouth. The gurney continued moving down the hallway until it disappeared in one of the corners.

"How is he?" Chief Boden asked. In that moment he was the only one who could think or talk after see how Matt was.

"In this moment he is stabilized. He is being move to be the ICU when you arrived. We called his family and they are coming. We are going to make him a gastric lavage. In one hour I will be able to say you something more. I am sorry" and he walked in the same direction of the gurney.

Some minutes after his mother, Nancy, his sister, Christine and his brother in law, Jim, arrived to the hospital.

"Gabriela?" Nancy asked "What happen? They called us some minutes ago but they didn't explain us what happen?

"Mrs. Casey I am Chief Boden your son's chief" he said introducing himself

"I know how you are, Matt told me about you"

"I am so sorry, but Casey, sorry Matt tried to kill himself taking a bottle of pills one hour ago"

"What?" Christine asked completely shocked "Why did he do something like that?"

His mother started to cry disconsolately. Gabby could not resist, she approached to her and hugged her tightly. After she spent fifteen years in jail she is recovering finally her son and her daughter, but now she was losing again one of them. Life was so unfair sometimes.

"Doctor said that in one hour he will explain more about how he is. They are doing to him a gastric lavage right now" Kelly said. "Chief, I think that maybe we should call to rest of the family of the fifty-one"

"You are right. I think that in that moment we should be all together like the family that we are"

"I can't understand how he did this" Christine said crying but she wasn't able of continuing talking

"Yesterday, after he finished his shift, he was in our house fixing some kitchen cabinets" Jim said "He looked fine. He even stayed with us for lunch and in the afternoon he played with Violet, our daughter"

"Yesterday I shouted to him because he took some unnecessary risk and send him home. Maybe if he stayed in the firehouse he didn't do this"

"I when today to his house four hours ago I think" she said confused because since she arrive to the hospital the time seemed to run at a different speed to speed of the outside world "He was a mess, he looked like he didn't sleep in days and he was depressed"

/

Time continued passing. After called Herrmann and Otis they called to the others guys and said them that Casey was in the hospital. Half an hour before, not only the truck's crew was there, but also the squad's crew, even Vargas was there for his lieutenant because without his and Kelly help he will not be live in that moment. All of them were always a family that support one to each other without matter what happen.

All of them were waiting in front of the ICU room where Matt was. There was a deep silence in the hallway, nobody know what to say or what to do. For them it was really difficult to assimilate that his lieutenant had tried to kill himself. Apart of her mother and sister, Gabby was really bad. She blamed herself of his situation. Her eyes were irritated because during the last hours she didn't stop of crying.

Finally the room's door was opened and two doctors appeared one of them was the one that had already spoken with them before. They were surprised to see that there were a lot of people waiting to know how their young lieutenant was.

"Hello I am doctor Nivans and this is my college Stone a psychologist. We are treating Mr. Casey" he explained

"in this moment he is stable" she said

"The next hour is going to be the more critical. He took a lot of pills. With the gastric lavage we were able to eliminate part of those pills" he made a little pause before continuing with the worse part "However, the other part it has been assimilated by his organism. Now, he hope that the medication that we gave him can block the barbiturates"

"Do you think he will recover?" Gabby asked not really sure if she wanted to heard his answered

"We can't know what it is going to happen" Dr. Stone responded with sincerity

"What happened in other cases that you treated before?" Christine asked

"It is not the same. Depend of the body of the person, how many pills he took, and his reaction" she paused not sure if she should say what she was thinking "His desire of living. Sometimes, stimuli are everything"

"We do not want to deceive you, but if an hour has not woken up, time will run against him" Dr. Nivans said

"Can we stay with him?" Herrmann asked

"Yes but only one person. I am sorry" and they re-entered to the room.

All of them were in silent. All of them wanted to enter in that room and stay near to his friend, but according with the doctor only one person can enter. But the question now was how is going to enter in that room?

"Gabby" Nancy said "you are the one that should enter in that room"

"she?" some of them asked shocked

"Why I should I there and not you or Christine maybe?"

"You heard the doctor" Christine said "stimuli are important for him in this moment and I don't know what kind of stimuli are you for my brother, but for him you are his encouragement"

"Alright I will enter" she said decisively

"Please bring him back" Kelly said

"I will try" she said with decision

* * *

**Hi**

**I am sorry for end the chapter here. I will try to have the next one as soon as I can like I said above. Tomorrow I will start writting a new chapter of my other fic "Let her go" that now Matt is waking up ^^ what will happen with Hallie and Gabby?**

**Thanks so much for read it.**

**See you in the next chapter and take care,**

**Namine Redfield**


	4. A secret place

**Hi!**

**How are you? I had just finished this chapter that I started to write this morning =). I hope that you like it this new chapter and let me some reviews. **

**Thanks to: **

**-Ms Isabella: Yeah! poor Matt. He was so depresed and nobody noted it =/**

**-Camila: Olá muito obrigado por ler a fic!** **Abraços e obrigada. (I am not sure if I write right sorry) **

**-goldistic: I think that this chapter is saddest than the last one. I hope that you like it.**

**-Portuguese Writer: Olá. thanks for you review. I am glad that you like it. **

**-Grace2020: yeah! If Gabby wasn't there Probably he will die. But she love him and she and she would not leave him alone because of that. **

**-M. Louise E: Thanks for your review. All of them were waitinh that his firefighter brother wake up :p**

**-jscat2: yeah! Matt will be ok but he is going to have a long road of recovering. **

**-TheShadowedVeil: thanks for the follower.**

**-Beemer27: Thanks for the follower.**

**I already have some ideas for the next chapter. And I will start writting again the next weekend because as I say previously dring the next week I will not be able to write anything. I am sorry. When I come back I will write the next chapter of my fic "Let her go" that Matt now wake up in that Fic and it's time that he recover. **

**I hope that you like this chapter.**

**See you next week!**

**Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 4: A secret place

Matt woke up not knowing where he was. The only thing that he knew was that he was in somewhere in the countryside and there were a lot of trees and some rocks; in the middle there was a big lake and a little waterfall in the background.

Suddenly, some forgotten memories and flashes came to his memory. In this lake was where Hallie and he spent their first holidays completely alone and as a couple. It was only during one week, but that week was amazing for him. He surprised her renting a small cottage. They swam and fished in the lake without anyone bothering them. Apart of that, that place was so special for him, because it was where they made love by the first time eight years ago. He started to cry because he is never going to see her again and he missed her so much. During the last two weeks everything he sees, touches or even smells reminded to her.

"You are up" someone said behind him

"Hallie?" he said dried his cries. It was her. Happy and he ran to her and hugged her.

"Hi Matt" she said smiling

"I can't believe" he said surprised "you come back baby. Everything was a nightmare" and he kissed her in her lips.

"Matt" she said broken the kiss and the huge "It wasn't a nightmare. I died that night before the fire start"

He looked really shocked after what she said. How that was possible if she was there with him?

"Well" he said holding her hands "It doesn't matter; now, I am with you. And nothing will separate us, not again."

"no Matt. This is not your place. You do not belong here. But don't worry you are in good hands. I knew the doctors that are treating you and they will do everything that they can to make you back from the coma"

"So I am in coma?"

"Yeah. You have to wake up Matt"

"What will happen if I don't wake up?"

"In the worst of the case, it's possible that you die" she said sad

"Hallie. I don't mind. I want to die"

"Matt, you do not want to die. What you really want it's being happy again. And believe me you are going to be happy again, you have someone waiting for you" she said referring to Gabby. "And all that you need is time, time for healing your heart" she said putting her hand in her chest where his heart was beating.

"Don't say me what I want. You don't know it" he said annoyed "Come on" he said after a few seconds of silence taking off his shirt

"What are you doing?" she said surprised

"Let's go swim in the lake like the first time that we came here. Do you remember?" he said trying to change the topic of their conversation. He also took off his pants and he was only dress with his blue boxers. "Come on Hallie, please. I want to swim with you again"

"alright" she said smiling and taking off her clothes except of her underwear.

Spite of what he said before, he was little worried about the theme of death. He knows that it could be possible that some friends of the firehouse are waiting that he comes back. However, he doesn't mind to die if that means that he will be with Hallie again. All that he wants in that moment was be with her.

/

Slowly, Gabby entered in the ICU. For her, it wasn't the first time that she entered in that unit of the hospital; she was there when her brother, Antonio, was shouted few months ago. However, this time it would be worse because the patient that she was seeing was Matt.

She came to the room in which he was and looked for a few seconds the person who was lying and motionless in the bed. He was using a breathing tube and had an oximeter in one of his fingers. His bare chest was covered by some wires that were connected to some machine that indicating his vital signs.

Before she entered to the room, she took a few deep breaths trying to relax herself. She entered and how there wasn't any chair in the room, she sat in the bedside near to him.

"Hi Matt" she took his hand being careful of his oximeter "You know, I had never seen you before so quiet; not even when you had that problem detective Voight or when you and I were annoyed because I asked him for help. Why you didn't tell us that you wanted to kill yourself? Why Matt?" she asked him crying "Right now, in the hallway there are a lot of people who want to know the answer of that question" she said drying the tears that fell down her cheeks "You know the pain that suppose for me to lose you? It's the most pain that I've ever felt. I am not able to understand why you did it. But, I need that you come back. I need that we spoke and tell us the truth. We need to clarify. I love you. I love you so much Matt. I know that maybe it doesn't work and I'm not your princess blue" she said smiling and she kissed him in his lips. To kiss him was a little difficult because of the tube but she didn't mind. The kiss only lasted a few seconds. After that she rest her check against his and cry in his shoulder.

/

Matt and Hallie swan in the lake during a while. Time passed and Matt was increasingly sure that he wanted to die. In the last few weeks he had never been so happy like now. After swam, they climbed the waterfall and laid down in the lush green grass to rest on and letting the sun dry them. Matt closed his eyes and when he opened he rolled on his side looking to Hallie. He put his hand around her waist, huge her and kiss her in her shoulder.

"I love you" he said in her ear.

She sat up on the grass and looked him seriously.

"What it's the matter?" he asked when she didn't say that she love him also.

"I have to tell you something. After you and I broke the last time, I went to South America, remember?" he nodded "After, that I didn't love you anymore"

"What?" he asked shocked "But when you came back and we met in your new house for change our things you and I made love. And you said that we were going to meet again in 24 hours and one minute"

"Yeah! But it was only sex Matt not love. I am sorry Matt I know that I should not have play with you like this. I am so sorry"

He raised and walked to the edge of the waterfall. Matt was completely shocked. She played with him that night and used for him just for having sex. He felt disappointed and ashamed.

"Why Hallie? I didn't mean anything to you!" he shouted

"Matt, looked me. It is time that you come back"

"I don't want to come back. I want to die" he said determined.

"Why did you do it Matt?"

"Do you thing that you reserve to know that?" he said angry

"Not after what I did. I was to tell you the following day. But that night it when happened the fire in the clinic" she walked up to him and said "I am sorry Matt. I am going do this because in the past you were the man of my life and I loved you. It is time that you come back to your life" and pushing him to the water.

He didn't expect that she pushed him so he fell into the water. He couldn't breathe under the water so little by Little he was losing consciousness while he was immersing in the water.

/

After Kissing him she continued sitting near to him waiting that he reacts, but nothing happen. Disappointed and sad she let the room. When she returned to the hallway, everyone stared waiting for her to speak.

"What happen?" Kelly asked

"Nothing, we have to wait" she said sad

"How did you see him?"Christine asked

"He is not reacting"

Suddenly, a lot of nurses start to enter in the ICU.

"Code blue. Cardiac arrest in the patient of the box 1"

"Box 1?" Gabby asked "It is the box in which Matt is"

Without loss any second, all of them entered in the ICU and ran to his room and looked him through the windows. An annoying beep was heard in the background indicating that Matt's heart was not beating anymore.

A nurse was taking off part of the breathing tube a put on him a ventilator while Dr. Nivans was doing cardiac massage and Dr. Stone prepared the defibrillators.

"Charge 250. Clear" she shouted putting on Matt's bare chest the defibrillators.

Matt's body moved violently after the defibrillator touched his body. The beep continued sounding.

"Come on Matt" Dr. Nivans shouted while he was doing again cardiac massage.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The doctors and nurses were trying to recover Matt while the entire firehouse fifty-one was looking through the window how one of the best firefighter that they met was dying. The worst part was that everyone felt very powerless because they could not do anything to save him.

Christine was crying uncontrollably in the arms of her husband who also had tears in his eyes. Her mother had her head against the glass crying. Gabby and Kelly were also crying. And Finally Chief Boden Herrmann, Otis, Mills, Cruz, Vargas, Capp and Shay were in shock.

"Charge 350. Clear" Dr. Stone Shouted again.

One more time his body moved violently.

Dr. Stone looked to Dr. Nivans and let the defibrillators in the machine while she shook her head. She turned to look at them and left the room to talk to them. However, Dr. Nivans didn't mind what she said and he continue doing cardiac arrest.

"Come on Matt"

Suddenly, the miracle that nobody expected to happen happened. He opened his eyes and started to breathing by his own.

All who were outside the room looked at Dr. Nivans who had tears in his eyes and was laughing at the same time while he rubbed the Matt's forearm. Dr. Stone entered again in the room not believing that Matt was come back from the coma.

Outside all was confusion. No one knew what to think, Matt had died? Or had awakened? They didn't know it because the doctors and the nurses were in the middle and didn't allow them seeing what was happening. Finally the nurses move away, and they breathe again when they see that Matt had awakened.

Kelly embraced to Gabby and Shay, crying in the shoulder of the last one. Jim embraced her wife and kissed her in her forehead. Chief Boden rubbed Mrs. Casey's back and she hugged him.

/

After he woke up of the coma, the doctors made some test to him trying to determine if the pills leave any damage to him.

All the crew of the firehouse fifty one, except Kelly, Gabby and Chief Boden, came back to their houses to rest because the next day they were on shift. All of them promised to call them and come back as soon as the shift was finished. Gabby, Kelly and Chief Boden along with Christine, Nancy and Jim were waiting in the waiting room that the doctors tell them who Matt was. Nobody knew what to say so they were in silence.

Finally, Dr. Nivans arrived to the waiting room and sat in front of all of them looked them serious.

"In this moment he is sleeping. He is recovering, so the themes of the visits have to be one by one and only if he thinks that he could bear it"

"But you said that he is recovering" Nancy said

"Physically yes. However, what he did had let important damages in him"

"What kind of damage?" Gabby asked

"A person who acts as he acted normally doesn't understand the gravity of what he has done. Actually he could want to repeat it because inside still feels the same" he said sad that a young man like Matt wanted to kill himself.

"so, what you are trying to say is that it is possible that my brother want to kill himself again?" she asked not really sure if she understood what the doctor said

"Yes"

"How we can avoid it?" Kelly asked

"Making him reacts. In this moment he is enclosed in himself, but if we managed to get a feeling from him maybe making him laugh or cry in the next 24 hours we will have taken a giant step"

"And how can we do it?" Chief Boden asked

"I don't know"

* * *

**Hi Again =)**

**I hope that you like it and let me some reviews. **

**Thanks for reading.**

**Have a good Sunday and a Lovely week.**

**Bye!**

**Namine Redfield**


	5. Help

**Hi How are you?**

**It has been one week since the last chapter that I published of this fic and I bet that you want to know how continue right?**

**Thanks for the reviews:**

**-Ms Isabella: thanks I hope that you like this new chapter ^^**

**-af1011: thanks for the follower **

**-Camila (Guest): Olá. Thanks so much for all your reviews. Obrigada e Abraços! :p**

**-M. Louise E: Yeah! like you say the fight start now. His friends and family have to make him react in 24 hours =/. Have a nice week and take care you too! ^^ Thanks also for the favourite**

**-jscat2: He doesn't deserve all this pain. He is a good guy. =/. **

**I hope that you like this new chapter. Also I want to ask something in case of someone could help me. I saw that there is a comunity called "Dawsey Fanfiction" and I would like to add this fic and "let her go" to that comunity but the problem is that I don't know how to do it. So, if someone could help me I will be grateful. Thanks**

**Have a good Week.**

**Bye!**

**Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 5: Help

The next morning after Matt tried to kill himself with the pills; his mother and sister stopped in his house and packed in a duffel bag some of his stuff. They thought that he would feel more comfortable maybe wearing his own cloths, with his mobile phone or with the bock that he was already reading.

When they arrived to the hospital, Severide, Gabby and Chief Boden were waiting them in the office of the Dr. Nivans.

"We are sorry for arrive late, but we think that he will feel more comfortable with some of his stuff while he is here" Nancy said with the bag in her hands.

"I think that it is a good idea. Give it to me and I will give it to psychiatry's nurse to check it before give it to him" he held the bag of shacking Nancy's hands.

"Why?" Kelly asked confused "I mean is his stuff, why do you have to check it?

"In this moment, he can't have anything that he could use to hurt himself again" Dr. Nivans let the room

"Had any of you see him this morning?"Christine asked

"He is sleeping" Gabby said

"How are you Gabby?" Nancy asked knowing that she was more affected of what Matt did than her. She discovered his body after he swallowed those pills have to be really hurt for her. And of course, it has to be really stupid for not see that the young EMT has some feeling for her son. She knew that her son is a little reserved about themes of love, but since she saw both of them in her parole hearing she knew that there was some feeling between both of them.

"I blame myself for what happened"

"You can't do that. It not your fault" Christine said

"I was with him few minutes before that this happened" tears started to build in her hazel eyes "It is my fault. I am sorry. I should have be there and stopped him" she was sure that his family would blame her for let him alone during those minutes. If she didn't leave the house that day, he will be in that moment in his house and not in a hospital bed"

"Gabriela, thanks to you my son is alive. So, don't say never again that you sorry. Because in the same way, it would be also my fault. I wasn't there for him when he most needed me"

"He is going to be fine" Kelly said rubbed Gabby's back

/ Matt was sitting in his bed; it has been a few minutes since he woke up, he was disorientated not knowing where he was. The last thing that he remembered was being in his bed trying to sleep and later he swallowed some pills.

"Hi Matt I am Dr. Nivans. You are in the Lakeshore" the doctor said entering in the room "How are you?, Do you know why you are here?"Matt didn't answer. "Look what we have" he said putting the bag that his mother and sister brought in the bed "Your mother and sister brought it" he said opening the bag "They brought your cloths, your wallet, a book and a few more things" he put his stuff in the bedsite near to him "However, I am sorry but you can't have all of them. You understand why?" he said seriously. Matt didn't respond "yesterday, you tried to kill yourself. We almost lost you in the ICU"

"I am not crazy" he said looking him

"I know. But what you did is something that normal people don't do. And we are here to make sure that you are fine"

An old, short and a little chubby nurse entered in the room with a tray in her hands. It was his breakfast "Hi Matthew" she said smiling "Here you have" she said putting a tray in the bed "this is your breakfast. It is important that you eat as much as you can, ok hon?" and she left the room closing the door after her.

"Can I have my clothes?" for him it was embarrassing to wear a gown.

"yeah" he gave it to him and Matt got up of the bed took the clothes and walked to the bathroom "I am sorry but you can't use the bathroom without supervision" Matt remained standing in the middle of the room looking his doctor. "If you want to change you can do it here" he hopped that he reacts, however, he didn't do nothing. Immediately, he changed the gown for a sweatpants, a shirt and a sweatshirt. "Alright, now if time that you have some breakfast, I am sure that you have to be starving" he said smiling and put the tray in the little table of the desk that was near to the bed.

Matt sat again in his bed and took the plastic spoon watching it curiously.

"In this moment this is the only cutlery that you can use. When you finish I will bring your family. They want to see you" he left also the room leaving this time the door opened. Some nurses were walking around the hallway checking the rooms making sure that all the patients were safe.

/

The door of the office was opened and Dr. Nivans and Stone entered.

"How is he this morning?" Chief Boden asked

"He is fine. He woke few minutes ago" he said smiling "However he looks like if he isn't himself. He continues enclosed in his own world. As I said you last night, if in the next 24 hours he shows a reaction, cry, smile or even yell we will have taken a giant step"

"We will try our best to make him come back" chief Boden said determined to do what it would be necessarily to help Matt

"I am glad to hear that. In this moment we give him some breakfast. When he finish you will be able to say him one by one" Dr. Stone said

/

Half an hour later he had not eaten any of the oats that they given to him for breakfast; Dr. Nivans and his family was watching him from the hallway how he played with his breakfast.

"I think that he know that what he did is wrong but, he is not showing any sign of repentance. Dr. Stone and I are going to talk with now. After that you will be able to sit with him"

Matt didn't have hungry. He felt so broken inside him. He knew that he need help, but he didn't found yet the correct word to ask it.

"Matthew" the same nurse that brought his breakfast said entering in his room "has you finished?" she said looking at him with a pleasant smile.

"Yeah" he whispered leaving the plastic spoon in the tray that was in his bed.

"You haven't eaten" she said looking the tray "You have to eat"

"I am not hungry" he said looking through the windows. He was lucky, the views of his room overlooked a small park.

"Ok. I am going to leave the tray here in case of you have hungry later" the nurse said putting the tray in the little desk that was near to his bed "your family and some of your friend are outside. Do you want to see them, hon?" she said trying to cheer up him

He didn't answer; he wasn't sure if he wanted to see them. It would be very difficult and embarrassing for him to look at them to their eyes after what he had done. He knew he had disappointed everyone. He has been doing it during all his life, first was his father, later Hallie and now all his family of the fifty one and his mother and sister.

The nurse sat near to him and held his hands "I know that it could be really difficult for you to see them in that moment" she said softly "but they need to see by their own eyes that you are fine. Yesterday, it was a horrible day; and believed me when I say you that they are going to forgive you. No one is going to blame you"

"Have you finished?" he looked her. She nodded hopping that he wanted that she bring her family "Leave. I want to be alone"

She rose and said "if you need me, call me"

Why it has to be so hard for him to ask for help?, people just say it and everyone was helping them. However he wasn't able to express his feeling with words; it was a problem that he has since he was young. He preferred the actions; and this time it almost cost him his life.

"how are you Matt?" Someone asked near to him and frightening him "I am sorry, I thought that you heard us when we entered in the room. I want to introduced to you one of my college Dr. Stone." Dr. Nivans said referring to the women that was near to him

"Hi Matt, I am a psychiatrist in this hospital" she said "Do you want to talk with me for a while"

"I want the rest of my stuff" he said not looking to them.

"We can't give it to you. Anyway, why do you want it? You are going to be here at least for a few days and your family and friends are here. They want to see you"

"I want them back"

"There is something in that bag that maybe you want?"He nodded "What do you want?"

"My badge" he didn't know why but in this moment he wanted it. He became a firefighter because he wanted to help people. Maybe his badge gave him some of the strength that he lost during the last week.

She looked to the other doctor who nodded accepting his request.

"We will give it to you but you have to speak with us" he said sitting in the bedsite "Why did you do it Matt?" he didn't respond "come on we just want to help you. Nobody is going to judge you. We just want help you" he gave him his badge.

"Do you want to see your family?" Dr. Stone asked hopping that at least he speaks with them "they are worried about you" He didn't respond. "I will bring them"

"I don't want to see them. I want to be alone" It wasn't the first time that he was depressed. He had depression since the day his parents divorced when he was fourteen years old. Nevertheless, he never had attempted suicide before. But, he was sure, that this time like in the past he will recover by his own without the help of anyone.

The first one who entered was his mother. She didn't know what to say, his son was lying in a hospital bed just looking the wall, immersed in his own world.

"Hi Matthew. Can I sit in the bedside near to you?" he didn't respond so thinking that he maybe doesn't care she sat near to him "Matthew, How are you?" she said brushing his blonde hair "Why you did it, sweetheart?"

"They have removed any sharp thing and everyone treats me like if I am crazy" he said taking the plastic spoon of the tray.

"The doctor said that you swallowed 23 pills. 23. We almost lost you"

"Apparently, they are not enough. Maybe next time I have to take more pills or maybe cut my veins"

"I would like to give you a slap"

"Do it" he said defiantly and before that he could react she slapped him in his face.

"Are you happy?, now you are like dad or even worse" he said. It wasn't a secret that his father was really strict with him and in some occasion he slapped him, something that his mother not approved. However, in this occasion she thought that it was necessarily for making him react. But the result was the opposite.

"the doctor said that we should help you to express your feelings. But, I think that after being in jail all this time, we distance so I am not going to say anything more because I think that you're immune to my words so I will leave forever" she made a pause hopping that he said something or maybe do a movement that could indicated her that he didn't want that she leave. But he didn't do anything; he was just looking her "You are not going to say anything?"

"Why? You said everything"

"Do you really want me to leave?"

"I had no family for the past 15 years. I do not care if you let me again. I know how to take care of myself"

Without say any other word she left the room completely dismayed. She was losing his boy again. When she entered in prison he was seventeen and he wasn't allowed to visit her. However each month he sent her a letter telling her every single thing that happened in his life ad even sent her some pictures. She kept all his letters and every day that she felt that she could not continue in prison she reread them. Some of them were wrinkled, in others the ink had run a little as a consequence of the unshed tears for so long. Despite being on parole, she was still reading them some nights. Those letters was her encourage, maybe if he found again his encourage he wanted to continue living.

"how was it?" Kelly Severide asked when she entered in the waiting room

"Not really good. I am not being with him half of his life and I don't know how to help him. Maybe you can help him. I need to take some fresh air" she said moving away from him.

The next one who entered was his sister. She was with him a few more minutes that his mother. However, the result was the same. He didn't say anything about what happened or why he did it.

Chief Boden and Severide entered after the nurse brought Matt his lunch. Matt had to be watched while he eats and they offered to do it. He was playing with his food like he was doing with his breakfast; in his left hand he strongly squeezed his firefighter badge.

"Hi Casey" Chief Boden said sitting in the plastic chair that was near to his bed "You are not hungry?"

He looked him for a few seconds and continued playing with his food. "I am not hungry. I finish" he put the tray on the floor and lied on his left side to avoid looking them. He knew that they were disappointed with him.

"Matt, come on buddy. Talk to us" Kelly said in front of him. "Why you did it?"

"You don't want to know the answer to that question"

"Say it" He didn't respond. Kelly clutched his left hand and grabbed his badge "In this moment, you are not a firefighter anymore" he said with tears in his eyes

"I firefighter never take his own life like you did yesterday" Chief Boden said "a firefighter is an example to follow. Until yesterday, you were it for all of us. Every day, we learnt some new thanks to you"

"When you get back to be firefighters, when you get back to be again one of us, I will give it to you" Kelly said

And not waiting that he responds they leave the room. They walked in silence to the waiting room; apart of Gabby, his mother and sister, there was also some of the firefighter of the firehouse fifty-one.

"Time is running out" Kelly said

"How can we help him?" Peter Mills asked. Despite of having problems with his Lieutenant, he appreciated all the effort that he had made to help him to improve and he wanted to help him.

"I have an idea, of how could maybe help us" Herrmann said "Come on we have to go" he said and all the firefighter run to the truck while Herrmann tell them his idea.

"I am going go to talk to him" Gabby said. She rose from her chair and walked to his room not knowing what she can say to him to help him.

When she arrived to his room she saw that he was sleeping. _Maybe it's going to be easier in that way _she thought.

She sat in his bed and held his hands "Hi Matt. I do not know if I've ever come to you, if I knew what you thought or if I made you feel something. I do not know how to get you back, Matt, how to make that you want to live again, I do not know" she said crying "I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone. People do not know what it is to fight, fight and never give up" she said dried her cries "But I am going to fight for you Matt. I don't mind if I have to be with you 24 hours a day. I don't mind because I love you. I always love you since the first day that I arrived to the firehouse and you were up the Truck checking the garage's door" she kissed him in his lips and left the room.

When he heard that she leave the room he touched his lips with his fingers. He wasn't sleeping; he just closed his eyes trying to avoid the conversations. _That she said that because it's real or it was just a lie_ he asked himself. He knew that it could be possible that she has felling for him but after he screwed up in her cousin's party he wasn't sure if she continues having those felling. He was in love with her for some time but he thought that he lost his change of having a relationship with her after he knew that she was dating with Peter Mills.

"Hi Lieutenant" Herrmann said from the door "How are you?"

He didn't respond

"Lieutenant, all us want to help you" Mouch said referring to all the firefighter of the Truck and the Squad that was in the Hallway "But we don't know how to do it"

"We do not know what to say, so we brought someone else that perhaps will help you more" Peter Mills said putting on one side. Behind him there was a teenager that he recognized immediately.

"Sophie"

"Hi Lieutenant Casey" she said smiling. She entered and sat in the plastic chair near to him.

"What are you doing here?" he said shocked that she was there.

"I am here to help you, like you did when you saved me in the fire of me house four years ago"

He remembered this fire. It was horrible; he didn't know where she was, the flames were in everywhere. Finally, he found her under his bed. One of her forearm and shoulder were pretty burn but after all she survived, and he was there to help her and her father.

"I don't need help. I am fine" He said laid in his bed

"Go to hell" she said angry

"You don't know me. So how are you going to help me?"

"People who do not know you are sometimes the one how can help you more" she said remembering a quote that he said her four years ago "You saw yesterday how was Gabby? You know what happened yesterday? Yesterday she thought that she was losing you. And if you had seen it, today you understand how important you are for her. And not just for her but also for the rest of your friends that in that moment are down the hallway asking how they can help you. Do not you understand that your life does not only belong to you? Somehow belong also those who love you."

"That is your concept of the life. Life is not as you say, it's more complicated. You are young and you'll understand when you're older"

"Why you did it Lieutenant?" but he didn't respond "You do not look like a coward but in this moment this is what you are, you are a coward"

"Leave" he said angry getting up from his bed

"I am not going to leave until you explain me why you did it?"

"Do you want to know the truth?" he said approaching to her.

"Yeah" she continued walking backwards until she left the room with Matt near to her watching her eyes. He didn't notice that they weren't any more in his room.

"I did it, because I was tired of looking for an explanation to everything that was happening in my life. Why Hallie played with my feelings for months? Why I had to mess with my best friend?" He made a pause before continue and whispered crying "I did it, because when you sleep your problems disappear. That is the reason why take those damn pills"

"There is no need to look for the reasons, there is no reason. If you think about it, it just brings more sadness and you sink. Things happen because they have to happen" she rubbing his shoulder. He was so embarrassed of being crying "You know, sometimes people don't cry because they are weak, they cry because they have been really strong during so long" he continue crying during a few minutes letting out all his frustration "I want that you promise me something" she said when he was more relaxed "I want that you promise me that tomorrow, you are going to speak with your family and friends. You need help, and they are going to help you. Just talk to them like you did with me"

"I cannot assure you that I go to fulfill the promise. It is really difficult for me to talk to them"

"I guess that this is why they are promises, because they are difficult to fulfill. For them is also really difficult to see you in that bed with the only thought of wanted to die. I am just going to say them that I speak with you and nothing more. You're always helping the people, let them to help you"

Suddenly, he felt so weak. All the tension that had accumulated since the last few days was being liberated. His knees shaking under his own weight.

"Come on you need to rest" she said guided him to his room. She helped him to get into the bed and tucked him with the bed sheet.

Few seconds later he was asleep. She came back to the waiting room

"How was it?" her father asked

"I speak with him. He was really tired and he is sleeping now"

"What he said?" Gabby asked

"I promise him that I will don't tell to anybody. I am sorry" she said sad of not telling her what he said to her. Sometimes she went to the firehouse to visit him and she guessed that between he and Gabby there was something. Today, her assumption was confirmed when she arrived to the hospital and saw how broken Gabby was.

"It's late" Chief Boden said watching his watch "I think that we should go home and rest. Tomorrow we are on chief" he said looking to all his firefighter

"We will come back tomorrow" Christine said "And try it again"

"Call us if something changes" Kelly said

"Sure" Nancy said

All of them came back home with the only hope that the next day Matt was better.

/

The next morning Christine and Nancy arrived to the hospital early. When they arrive to the floor in which Matt was, they saw that something was happening. Some nurse and hospital security officer were ran around the hallways checking all the rooms.

When they arrived to Matt's room the saw that his doctors and a young detective where there, however there wasn't any trail of him. His bed was empty and his duffel bag was opened on the bed.

"Where is Matt?"Christine asked

"Good morning ma'am" the detective said "I am Antonio Dawson, Chicago P.D."

"Where is my son?" Nancy asked worried

"We don't know. He was here at 7:00 a.m. when the nurse of the morning shift checked him. According with her he was sleeping. 20 minutes later he disappeared" Antonio said

"What were you thinking, Matt?"His mother said

Christine's cell start to sound "It's Gabby"

"Hi Christine. I was just calling you to know how Matt was" she said from the other side of the line "Does he wake up yet?"

"Gabby, you are not going to believe it. Matt has disappeared" she said crying

Gabby was going to say something when the alarm sound saying: Ambulance 61, Young man, suicide attempt. 251 of West Washingtom St.

"Gabby, say me that they don't say 251 of West Washingtom St" she said frozen "That is five blocks from Matt's house"

* * *

**Hi again.**

**What is going to happen? What are you going to do Matt? After spoke with Sophie (The teenager that he presented to Peter Mills in the episode 8 of the first season) he looks like he react. However, Why would he disappeared? You will see in the next chapter.**

**Tomorrow I will start with the next chapter of my fic "Let her go"**

**See you!**

**Namine Redfield**


	6. Losses are gains

**Hi How are you?**

**Finally, tomorrow is the waiting Crossover between "Chicago Fire" and "Chicago P.D." I can wait to see what it's going to happen. I think that Gabby was in danger. I hope that Matt ask her if she want to marry him. I think that it's going to be a scene so cute for the end of all the drama episodes. What do you think?**

**Thanks you so much for the support and the amazing reviews:**

**-maggymoo21: thanks for the follower and for your review. I hope that you let me more review with your opinion.**

**-Camila (guest): olá Thanks for say that you are anxious about the next chapter. Thanks for your idea. As soon as I read your idea I know that it was perfect for my other fanfic "Let her go". I am sorry for not uplode so often, but in this moment I am really busy with the university. But I will try at least to have one chapter of each fanfic each week. Abraços e sucesso. **

**-jscat2: you are right. Matt is always so strong, and this is why I started to write the fic. He was so broken after Hallie's death. **

**-M. Louise E: Sophie part was also my favourite. She was the only one who make him react and come back to the reality. Take care :p**

**-goldistic: Matt is so depresed and everything can happen, you will see...**

**-xxwinterbeautyxx: Thanks for saying that you love my story and for the follower. I hope that you send me more reviews with your opinion. **

** -Guest: Thanks for your review. I am not sure about what it is going to happen in the next chapter but maybe could be some drama between Gabby and Matt. What it's sure is that in my other fic "Let her go" it's going to be some drama between them :p.**

**Like I said in my other fic "Let her go", today I come back to the University =( and on Wednesday I have a practical test =( So I am study and also I one month I have the final test and the presentation of the poster of my dissertation. However, ****I will try at least to have one chapter of each fanfic each week.**

******Thanks **

******Have a good week.**

******Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 6: Losses are gains.

_Ambulance 61, Young man, suicide attempt. 251 of West Washingtom St. _

After heard the alarm and the address a deep silence took place in the firehouse. For them it was really difficult to hear a call like that after what happen two days ago. They couldn't imagine what Matt was thinking for doing something like that.

"Dawson?" Shay said near to her "We have to go now" she knew that she should keep an eye on her friend because spite of she denied she was affected about what Matt did.

"Yeah. I will call you later Christine. I have to go" and she hung up their conversation

Severide was sitting in the Squad table but as soon as he heard the call, he looked his chief. After he heard the address he had a strange presentiment, something like a feeling that something bad was happening in that moment. "Chief" Severide said approaching to him "that is Matt's neighbourhood"

"Matt is in the hospital in this moment" Chief Boden remembered to him "you don't have to worry" he squeezed his shoulder.

"He escaped this morning Chief" Dawson said scared to both of them in her way to the ambulance

"Go" he said knowing what Severide was going to say "call us as soon as you know if is him or not"

The three of them ran as faster as they can to the ambulance. Shay and Dawson jumped out in the front part of the ambulance, whereas Severide did it in the back where all the medical supplies were.

Shay was the one who was driving at high speed through the long streets of Chicago. Occasionally she was looking through the rear view to Severide or to Gabby. Gabby was absent trying to content her tears while Kelly was looking through the small window to the road completely also absent.

It could be say that Kelly was pretty scared. Possibly in that moment his best friend, who was like the brother that he never had, was again fighting for his life maybe in an alleyway. Or worse, there was the possibility that they don't arrive on time to save his life like few days ago.

"I shouldn't say what I said him yesterday" he said broken the silence "I told him so many nonsense"

"What did you say to him?" Shay asked. When they come back to their flat, she asked him if wanted to talk but he said that he wasn't ready to talk about it.

"I said: you are not a firefighter anymore" his eyes were welling with tears "And I took away his badge. Since I met him in the preliminary test before to enter in the academy, all that he wanted was to become a firefighter. It was his dream since he was a child and my father rescue him from a fire" he took out his friend's badge from his pocket and squeezed it against his heart. _You have to be fine buddy _he thought.

"Your father?"

"Yeah. He rescued him and his sister. It was a fire in their uncle's home. Matt was five and a half years old and Christine ten. They were hidden inside of a wardrobe. My father told me after he visited the firehouse some months ago"

"I didn't talk with him last night" she was as broken as Kelly was "He was sleeping when I had the enough courage to see him again face to face. I should have woken up him; or wait until he woke up. But no, I just leave like I did two days ago"

"He is going to be fine" Shay gripped her hand and say "We are here"

As soon as Shay parked the ambulance in one side of the street, Severide jumped outside the ambulance and ran to where there were some cops attending to the victim. Gabby and Shay took their equipment and preparing themselves for what could be one of their worst calls.

There was a lot of blood in the side of the street and in the victim's clothing. Judging by the amount of blood in the neck and the shirt of the person, it could be possible that the person had cut his jugular vein of his neck. His face was unrecognized because of the blood.

Kelly started to cry thinking that the person who was lying on the street was Matt; however, something caught his attention. The guy had a big tattoo in his forearm and he was sure that Matt didn't have any tattoo; he was always a little afraid of needles so in no way he would get a tattoo like that one. He continues looked to the guy that was on the floor. Matt was blonde and he could say that this guy's hair was dark brown.

"He's not Matt" he said releasing the breath content "he isn't Matt" he said without couldn't believe it.

"Thanks God" Shay said "Dawson, I need gauzed. We have to stop the hemorrhage"

Shay and Dawson started to treat the guy applying pressure on the deep wound. He had lost a lot of blood, but he would have a chance to survival if they quickly took him to the hospital.

"Are you looking to that man that disappeared from the hospital?" one of the cops said approaching to Severide

"Yeah! Have you seen him?"

"No. I am sorry. I am glad that this man wasn't the person that you were looking. We stayed in his house but there wasn't anybody there" the other cop said

"Severide. We need that you drive as soon as you can to Lakeshore"

"Yeah sure!" he jumped out into the driver seat and drove to Lakeshore still asking where his friend could be in that moment and worst of all what he could be thinking in that moment.

/

Gabby was washing her hands while Shay finished of filing the report about their last call. Severide was trying to call again and again to Matt's mobile but always jumped his voicemail. Tired of not getting a respond, he felt angry with his friend. He smashed his cell against the gurney.

"If you break it you are not going to get any respond in case he calls you" Shay said. He was still angrier with himself. How he can gave him his back like he did yesterday to his best friend? After both of them made the peace few months after Andy's death, he promised himself that he would never do anymore something like blaming him or give him his back like he did during a few months. And he was doing it again. "I know that you are scared about him. But we are going to find him, alright? We have to optimist"

"Yep and I am going to kick his ass for all of that" he said smiling

"I will help you" Gabby said.

"Gabby" someone said from the other side of the hallway. Christine, Nancy and his brother were walking to them really worried.

"Say me that the man that you brought here some minutes ago it wasn't Matt" Nancy said

"It wasn't" Shay said

"Thanks goodness" his mother said grateful

"Had he leave maybe a note or something that we could use for know where he is?" Kelly said

"Nada" Antonio said "I sent some cops to his house and ask to his neighbor but all of them say the same thing. They didn't see him"

"Had you send someone to Hallie's house or call her parents?"

"they blamed him of her death" Christine said

"are you kidding me!" Kelly yelled angry "he risked his life to recover her body. Without him they wouldn't have a body a body to bury. Besides, the coroner said that she dead before the fire start owing to a blunt force trauma" _How her parents could say something like that? Maybe they were responsible that he was so depressed like to want to kill himself with the pills. _He thought trying to put together all the pieces of the puzzle.

"they don't see it in that way" Antonio said "they are really hurt because of her loss"

"that it's not excuse to say something like that" Gabby said annoyed

"I know" He could understands that his sister were really annoying with all of that. According to what Christine told him she was the one who found him after he swallowed the pills. Since the first time that he meet Matt face to face, his sister already spoke to him about Matt sometimes before they met, when he had a problem with Detective Voight he know that his sister had some felling for the young Lieutenant. "I promise that I will do all I can to try to find him as soon as I can. All my partners are helping me alright?" he said holding her by her shoulder

"thanks Antonio" she hugged him and he kissed her in her temple.

"guys, chief Boden have call me. He said that we have to come back to the firehouse. I am sorry" Shay said

"I will call you as soon as we found something" Antonio promised

"Thanks. We will do the same"

"When we come back to the firehouse, I will try to have the truck around the city and some place where maybe he could be" Kelly said

/

On their way back to the firehouse, they stopped in a little coffee shop where Matt sometimes uses to buy a cup of coffee in his way to the firehouse. However, the owners said them that they didn't see him since the last week.

When they parked the ambulance in the garage, they saw that all the firefighters were waiting them. Nobody say anything waiting that they say something. Some of them knew that there was happening something strange as for Severide to climb into the ambulance.

"And?" Herrmann said. He overheard part of the conversation that Gabby, Severide and Chief Boden had one hour ago, and go to his office.

"It wasn't him" Kelly said closing the back gates "We stopped in a coffee shop where he use to have breakfast and ask for him, but nobody see him since last week"

"What it's going on?" Capp said confused "About whom are you talking about?"

"Matt" Gabby said

"I want to everybody go immediately to the conference room. I need to tell to all of you something important" Chief Boden said before that they continue asking question about what happened to Matt. They deserve to know the truth but not in that way.

All of them entered in the firehouse and in silence they went directly to the small conference room waiting for their chief.

"Severide, what it's going on?" Otis asked sitting near to the Squad's Lieutenant.

"Why you three are worried about Casey?" Mouch asked with Pouch in his lap playing with him.

Kelly didn't respond he wasn't ready to give the bad news that his Lieutenant had disappeared and maybe in that moment was thinking about take away his life again owing to Hallie's family were blaming him of her death.

Chief Boden entered and looked them. He looks worried but he had to be stronger in that moment for them "All of you know that our Truck Lieutenant Matthew Casey tried to kill himself two days ago swallowing a bottle of pills" he couldn't believe how he could do that. He was always a really strong man and wise in his decisions, _what you were thinking? Why you did ask for help?_ He asked himself most of the time "This morning I received a call from Detective Dawson, saying that Matt disappeared from the hospital two hours ago"

Some of them put their hands above their head not believing what his chief had just told.

"It is possible" he continued "that in this moment he wants to try to kill himself again" his voice trembled when he said the last part of the sentence.

"Chief" Herrmann said rising of his seat Let me take the truck around the city. We will find him"

"nobody know where he could be. He didn't leave a note or something that we can use to find him. But we are going to find him" he looked to Gabby who was really sad and with tears fallen down her checks "We will find him"

Unexpectedly, a mobile phone started to vibrate in the middle of the silence of the conference room. All of them checked their mobile phone with the hope that it was Matt who was calling them; Gabby was the only one who had not noticed the sound.

"It's your cell" Shay said rubbing her back

She took it out of her pocket and saw that it was a text. "_Please meet me at the front of the firehouse and_ _do not tell to anyone. Matt" _she couldn't believe Matt had just sent her a text few seconds ago asking to meet with him. "Chief I am sorry but I have to go" she rose of her chair and walked to the door not waiting that he give her permission to leave the meeting.

"It was a Matt?" he asked

"no" she laid and rolled her eyes. If Matt had say her that don't tell to anybody if because he only wanted to see her "please chief its important"

"Alright. Go" He knew that she was laying to him, and he hoped that she has a good reason for it, but he trusted her.

She left the room trying to look relax and but as soon as she was sure that nobody could see her troughs the windows she ran to the garage trying to find where Matt could be. He wasn't in the garage or in his truck. She kept walking until she saw his short blond hair. He was sitting in the bench that was in front of the firehouse looking to the ground. He was wearing the same cloths that he wore the day before in the hospital.

"Matt?" she said approaching to the bench

"Gabby" he raised of the bench happy to see that she received his text.

"What are you doing here?" Her face was a mixture of feelings, doubt, relief, confusion and above all concern.

"Begging to keep a promise" he said ashamed

"You should be in the hospital"

"I don't want to be in the hospital. Yesterday, they asked me a lot of question that I am not ready to answered yet" he said "in this moment, I only want to talk with you" he said holing her hands. There was a silence and he said "you are the only one who didn't ask me or pushed me to tell you why I did it. You are the only one who is not judging me" he placed one of his hands in his stomach as he felt a stabbing pain in it.

"What it's happening Matt? Are you in pain" she released her hand and approached to him with the intension of lifting his shirt to see what was wrong with him. But he stepped back.

"It's nothing" he said. At that time he was breathing with difficulty and was as pale he was after swallowed the pills. He sat again in the bench but the pain didn't disappear.

"Matt there is a lot of peoples worried about you. You should call them or at least let me to call to the hospital and let them know where you are" she knelt in front of him holding his head in her hands.

He felt another stabbing pain worse than the one that he had before, he clutching his stomach tightly.

"Matt, we have to take you to the hospital" she put her hand on his forehead "you have fever"

"No. If you take me to the hospital I will come back to the psychiatry floor; and I don't want to be there" he said with tears fallen down his checks. "I am sorry Gabby. I am really sorry for what I did. Lately, I feel like I keep everyone hurting, my family, Severide, Chief Boden, you. All of you are always trying to help me and I always screw up. Please Gabby forgive me?" he said before he collapsed. Gabby held him before he hit the ground.

"Matt. Matt" his pulse was weak "somebody help me" she yell "Help" she yell until some of the firefighter walk outside of the firehouse warmed for her cries calling for help

"What happen, Dawson?" Severide asked running to her. He could see that she was holding against her chest someone else body

"It's Matt. He collapsed few seconds ago"

"What?" Severide said shocked

"He was the one who sent you the text" Chief Boden said

"Yes" her tears were falling down her chest to Matt's face.

Shay approach the ambulance to them and when she parked Peter Mills opened the back gates "What do you need?"

"I am not sure" Gabby said. Her hands were shaking. "I think that he has pain in his stomach but I am not sure" in that moment she could only focus on holding his head.

"Let me check him" Shay lifted his sweatshirt and shirt, and touched his abdomen "his belly is flat and dilated. It is possible that he is having right now a side effect because of the pills"

"Come on Matt, you have to resist" she kissed him in his forehead "Come on" her tears continued falling in his face and make him to open his eyes.

Shay put on his face an oxygen mask in order to help him to breathe better. "Casey, when the pain starts?"

"Last night" he said weakly

"What do you think that could be?" Severide asked

"I am not sure but could be gastroenteritis, appendicitis, peritonitis and even more. When he arrives to the hospital they will have to do some test on him to determine it. I am going to put an IV, you are a little dehydrated" she checked his forearms trying to find a vein "Oh shit" she said frustrated after a couple of attempts

"What happen?" Gabby asked

"His veins are completely collapsed. I can't find any vein for the IV"

"Why no you tried with the veins of his neck" Peter Mills proposed

Shay started to touch his neck until she found a vein. "Gabby, grasp his head firmly so he could not move while I insert the needle"

Matt rolled his eyes and looked how Shay's hand approaching to him with the needle.

"Matt looked me" Gabby said grapping his hand "Trust me, you are going to be fine"

"I don't want to come back to the hospital" he said after Shay inserted the needle

"I am going to be with you, you are not going to be alone" she said brushing his blonde hair.

"Casey, can you stand up and lye in the gurney with our help or we bring the backboard"

"I can't" he said trying to move but the pain intensified and he felt dizzy.

Mouch bring a backboard from the truck and placed it near to Matt.

"On my count we turn to his right side. Carefully and gently guys. Ready? One, two, three" Chief Boden, Kelly and Gabby turned him on his side while Mills and Mouch placed the backboard where he was.

As faster they can they get him into the ambulance to Lakeshore. During the trip Matt lost his consciousness but he never stopped of grabbing Gabby's hand.

/

Few hours later Matt regained his consciousness. He didn't know where he was, the last thing that he remembered was collapsed in front of the firehouse while he was talking with Gabby. He was using an oxygen mask, in his right forearm he had an IV and in one of his finger there was a little machine he supposed that it could be an oximeter.

"You are up" Gabby said softly near to him still holding his hand "How do you feel?"

"Shitty and thirsty" he felt tired and weak "What happen?" he didn't remember so much about their conversation.

"You have Peritonitis. It is an inflammation of the peritoneum, the thin tissue that lines the inner wall of the abdomen and covers most of the abdominal organs. That it's why you have those pains in your abdomen" she explained after he looked confused "You are a lucky guy, you are not going to need surgery. With some antibiotics and a lot of rest in a few days you will feel better.

"thanks" he said

"for what?"

"For everything that you have already done for me"

"You know that I am going to be there for you, right?" he nodded "there is someone who want to see you"

"I am not ready to see my mother and sister again" he said

"It is a psychiatrist. You have to speak with him if you want to leave the hospital"

"Gabby, say him that I am ready in that moment"

"I am not asking you"

She left the room and some few seconds after the door was opened again entering and older man. He could be as older as his mother. In his hand he had a little pocket notebook and a glasses.

"Hi Mr. Casey" he said sitting were Gabby was before "I am Frederick Tisdale, but my friends call me Freddy. How can I call you Mr. Casey, Casey, Matt, Matthew"

"I don't know" he said nervous. It was the first time his life that he told with psychiatrist

"Ok. I will call you Matthew. What it's your job Matthew?"

"No. My mom calls my Matthew when I was a child and I was in problems. Well she still does it. You can call my Matt. I was a firefighter"

"Nice to meet you. I have to say that this is the first time that I talk with a firefighter"

"I used to be a firefighter" he said sad

"Used to be?"

"I am anymore a firefighter. My Chief and Severide, one of my friends took away my badge and say me how disappointed they were with what I did"

"Maybe they do it because they had a good reason"

"Yeah they need it to fire me" he said sarcastically ridding his eyes

"Why not you talk with them again and try to explain yourself? Perhaps, if you say them why you did it they can help you and maybe not fire you"

"I am not ready to answer their question"

"Why not?"

"I am still trying to figure out why I did it" he recognized ashamed "I also had some questions"

"That it's a good step in your recovery. Matt there is any problem is say what you did, as soon as you talk about it as soon as you will be recovered"

"Before I did" he paused "Before I swallowed the pills. I thought that I have the answer to all the questions. But now, I don't have anything. Nothing has sense"

"When you think that you know all the answers, the world changes all the questions"

"Why Hallie had to die?" his eyes were filling with tears.

"Hallie was your girlfriend"

"Ex-fiancée. We have sex the night before she died. But I think that it was just a heater. We met in her house to exchange our stuff and we finished in her bed"

"Did you still have felling for her?"

"I don't know. It's complicated"

"Everything it's complicated in the life and death. Do you know what it's one of the key of the happiness?" he looked and shacked "The secret is that a lost could be also a gain".

"Gain?" he asked confused

"Yeah. If you find what is your gain I promise you that you will be happy again. But you have to find it"

_ Matt, you do not want to die. What you really want it's being happy again_he remembered Hallie's word. "And how I do it?"

"I don't know. That is your job now while you are recovering. In this moment I have to go, but I will come back tomorrow and I want that you tell who you can find your gain, alright?

"Yes. I will think about it. Thanks" he said before the psychiatrist leave the room.

_ A __lost could be also a gain _he thought_ How her death could be a gain for him? A lost it's a lost and you are sad and confused not happy because of it. Maybe the psychiatrist was right and could be gain on all of this. His friends are family were there for him. Perhaps the loss was so recent that he couldn't see yet what the gain was._

* * *

**Hi again**

**What could be Matt gain in all this tragedy?**

**He is finally talking about what he did :D**

**Tomorrow I will start to write the next chapter of "Let her go" What Matt it's going to do? what it's the right think?**

**See you!**

**And have a good week.**

**Namine Redfield**


	7. Finding the gain

**Hi How are you?**

**First of all I want to say that part of this chapter is an idea that xxwinterbeautyxx give to me. Thanks a lot for your idea! I hope that you like the chapter.**

**Thanks also to:**

**-Camila: olá: thanks for saying that you love my Fic. I am glad to heard it. Thanks also for your idea, that Like I said before, I will used in my fic "Let her go" in respond to your other idea, I already think about something similar when I saw that episode, you will see in the next chapter. ^^**

**-jscat2: Yeah. Like in the TV programm, he need time to understand that the feeling that he has for her it's not just friendship, it's something more.**

**-maggymoo21: thanks for the review**

**-M. Louise E: Thanks for your amaizing review. However, in this chapter it's going to be a little drama between Matt and one of his friend... Have a good weekend and Thanks for the Luck :D**

**-goldistic: thanks for your e-mail. At least he opened a little bit in the last chapter acepting what he did ^^**

**-m16m203: Thanks for the follower**

**I hope that you like this new chapter and let me some amaizing reviews.**

**See you!**

**Have a good weekend and have fun!**

**Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 7: Finding the gain.

It had been two days since Matt ran away from hospital. When he felt a little better thanks to painkillers and antibiotics he received a good scolding by his doctor. In his defense, he said that he just wanted to see his friend, talk with her and ask for her forgiveness. But for doing, he needed to get out of that world of white coats, wires and worried faces in which he was a prisoner. He needed to get out of there to find the courage to do it.

His mother and sister were also there for him. When he finished of speaking with the psychiatrist, he called the nurse and asked her if his family was out and if she could bring them. He needed to ask them forgiveness. As soon as they entered in the room he began to cry telling them how sorry he was for swallowed the pills and also for worried them when he ran away.

_Flash back_

_ "Matt" Christine asked entering the small room. Her brother was lying in his bed with his hands over his aching stomach. In his forearm there was an IV._

_ "The doctor said that you are going to be fine in one week" his mother said sitting in the bedside brushing his short blonde hair_

_ "I am sorry" he said after a few seconds of silence "I'm sorry for trying to kill myself some days go" his eyes were filling with tears. All that he wanted in that moment was that his mother cuddled him as when he was young and he had a nightmare. As soon as he started to cry or scream because of the fear of the dream, his mother woke up and ran to his room. Between kisses, sweet caresses and hugs she get all his fears away and he could come back to sleep._

_ "come here, baby" His mother hugged and pressed his head against her chest. "Sh.. It's going to be ok Matt" he continued crying in her protective hand while his sister rubbed his back making little circles with her hand._

_ "I fell lonely" _

_ "You are not alone, baby" she move his head and obligate him to looked at her "We are here for you. All of us"_

_ "I love you mom"_

_ "I love you too son" she kissed him in his forehead_

_End of the Flash back_

During the last two days, Gabby was in his side as she promised him while he was being attending by Shay in front of the firehouse fifty-one after he collapsed because of the pain.

Although, he didn't mention, she know that he was glad that she was there with him. He still had to rest in the bed so, his peritoneal tissue could heal; but with her at his side everything was easier for him. In the mornings and in the evenings they gave a small walk around the hospital, of course he was in wheelchair and she was pushing it.

The only time in which Gabby was not beside him, was when his sister or his mother came to the hospital to be with him, so she could go home, shower, eat and sleep a couple of hours before to come back to the hospital.

"How are you? What are you thinking?" Gabby said sitting in the bed site holding his hands "How do you have the eye?" She looked his left eye, which was surrounded by a nasty bruise purple and black.

"Better than yesterday" he touched his eye. It still hurt a little, but it was expected.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened with Severide, Mill and psychiatrist yesterday?"

"It's nothing"

"Your eye does not say the same" he looked to her hazel eyes doubting whether or not to tell what had happened yesterday.

_Flashback_

_ Kelly Severide and Peter Mills they left the lift and walked to the small reception of that floor. That morning Chief Boden had received a call of Dr. __Tisdale asking if some of Matt's partner could go to the hospital and meet him in a little section._

_ He wanted to know who Matt was before of his attendant of suicide. __He wanted to leave the hospital as soon as he was better of his peritonitis however, his psychiatrist didn't think the same thing, in his opinion he should be in the hospital for at least few more days. _

_ Chief Boden thought that it would be good if Kelly go and talk with the doctor; after all they were best friends since they entered in the firehouse as candidates. Nevertheless, Dr. Tisdale wanted to speak with at least two of them, and that it's why Peter Mills was there together with the Squad's Lieutenant. Mills had been doing some drills with Casey during the last couple of months, so, he could maybe tell a little bit how he was before. _

_ "Hi can you us where Dr. Tisdale's office is, please?" Peter asked to one of the nurse _

_ "His office is the second door in the right hallway"_

_ "thanks" _

_ They followed her indication and immediately they found the office. Kelly kneck the door and waited for the doctor to respond._

_ "Dr. Tisdale?" he asked entering in the small office_

_ "Yeah. You must be Lieutenant Severide" he said looking his Squad Lieutenant Jacket "And you Peter Mills" They shook their hands and Dr. Tisdale sat in his chair while Peter and Kelly sat in the couch "Well I guess that your Chief had tell you why I need you here"_

_ "Yeah! He tell us a little" Kelly said " How can we help you exactly?" since Matt back to the hospital Kelly had not go even once to visit him. He was still upset that Matt sent a message to Gabby and not to him or at least texted him too. They were best friends, and although they had their differences in the past after he Andy dead or when Heater and he had dinner at his house and she slept on his couch, but lately they came back to be friends again. They talked about everything, so, he couldn't understand why Matt didn't call him._

_ "Matt wants to leave the hospital as soon as he his peritoneal tissue heal enough as to go home. It could be in two or three days"_

_ "That it's great" Peter said happy that his lieutenant could leave the hospital._

_ "But, I am not sure if he is ready to go home" _

_ "Why not?, I mean he will be better in his house than in a hospital, what do you think lieutenant?"_

_ "He is not the same. I can hardly recognize him"_

_ "that is what I was thinking. How he was before that he swallowed the pills? Was he reserved, shy, he get angry easily?"_

_ "He was a great guy. We were best friend during fourteen years, we were like brothers. We saw hockey games together, hung out to have a beer. I helped him in some of his construction work"_

_ "why do you talk about him in past tense?" Peter said annoyed. Since they met in the parking of the hospital, Peter noticed that Kelly was tense "He is still alive. Maybe, you don't recognize him but he is still our Casey. Your friend. He was the one who was in your side during your rehabilitation although half the days he had just finished his shift and all that he wanted to do was go home and sleep. But at that time you did not need a partner there because he knew that you were able to press yourself to improve and that could be even worse for your injury. What you need was a friend and Casey was there to help. And now, what Casey needs is a friend"_

_ "How long you been in the firehouse, seven months? You think you know everything and you know nothing rookie"_

_ "ok. I have an idea of how he is" he said stopping the discussion "Do you want to see him?"_

_ "yes, please" Peter said_

_ Dr. Tisdale called by telephone to the nurses' office and asked if someone could bring Matt. A few minutes later, the office door opened and a nurse entered pushing a wheelchair Matt. He was dressed in sweatpants and a shirt and he was still a little pale, but without a doubt he was better than when they talked the day before._

_ "Hi Matt, how are you today?" Dr. Tisdale said approaching to him and offering a handshaking._

_"Better than yesterday. Thanks for ask"_

_ "I want to talk with you again like we did yesterday, but today I have a little surprise for you" he said referring to Peter and Kelly. Peter if he had risen from the couch and approached him with a smile from ear to ear._

_ "How are you Lieutenant?" he said hugged him_

_ "Hi Mills I am fine and you?" he felt a little nervous. Nobody said him that he will have company while he and the psychiatrist talk. _

_"Fine. Everyone in the fifty-one miss you. We hope that you can come back soon"_

_ "I think that this is not going to be possible" he looked to Kelly who didn't do any move since he entered in the office._

_ "Why not?"_

_ "You don't tell them?"_

_ "tell us what, Lieutenant?"_

_ "I am not anymore a firefighter. Those were your words not Kelly?" Peter looked to Kelly confused._

_ "you are a coward" Kelly said _

_ "I am not a coward"_

_ "Why do not you have enough balls to say why you did it? You could have asked for help, but not you took the coward way"_

_ "And what do you know huh? You do not even know what the word help means. You think the world spins around you Kelly and it's not. Do you want that I tell what is cowardly, treat so bad to someone that he wants to end with his own life"_

_ "Are you referring to Renee?" by the tone of his voice could tell he was angry. He opened and closed his right hand several times trying to calm himself. _

_ "No. Maybe you do not remember but after the death of Andy, you did not with me talk or even looking to my face. It's hard to lose a brother fireman but harder it is to lose another when he still alive and you do not understand why" he eyes were filled with tears and he didn't know how many time he will be able to contain them in his eyes._

_ "__Fuck you. You hide of the problems and don't face them. You did the same with his death. It was your fault that Andy died and didn't have balls to confess it to Heather. I wish that you had died instead of him"_

_"Since that night, I have not spent a single day when you have not desired to take his place. He had a family and I didn't have to anybody"_

_ "you are right. With your death all we would have been happier"_

_ "You disgust me Severide. You are the only one responsible of his death. You should have vented the damn house. Do not blame me for your shit"_

_ Kelly was shocked by his words. That was the first time that Matt accused of his death. Rage, exasperation and nerves that he accumulated during the last days took him. Not knowing how he raised his right fist against the face of his best friend._

_ When Kelly returned to reality felt a slight pain in his right hand, which had small drops of blood around the knuckles. He looked up and saw that Matt was surprised and scared; he never would have expected that his best friend hit him like he did few seconds ago. His left hand was over his left eye while his nose was bleeding profusely staining his shirt_

_ "Lieutenant, are you alright?" Mills asked kneeing in front of him trying to move his protective hand of his left eye._

_ The doctor was shocked. He never expected that what was supposed to should have been a little talk between friends, had ended up being a fight and possibly the loss of a best friend "Peter, can you please take Matt to outside of my office and found a nurse who check his eye and nose"_

_ "sure" he pushing his wheelchair. Matt was confused. One of his worst nightmares were coming true, he was losing his best friend, the one that he love like the brother that he never had" _

_End of the Flashback_

"Have you spoken with any of them since yesterday?" he shook and she caressed his bruised eye and blew into the wound.

He smiled and said "Thanks. The psychiatrist wants to speak with me again today, but I don't want to see him again"

"It is not his fault what happen"

"He brought him. In his opinion I should be here more time and I just want to go home. I want to stay here until I am cured of my peritonitis. Neither more nor less. And I want to run away that's what I think that I doing if I am here. I want to leave Chicago for a while"

"My dad knows someone who has a cabin on the Luke Carroll lake" She said "my parents have rented it for several summers and is very well. If you want I can get you the number of the owner. I do not think this time is rented so maybe you can go. It is an amazing place. You will love it. It's my father favorite place for fishing"

"I appreciate" he said smiling

"But you have to wait at least one week because of your peritonitis. Even if you are discharged, you still have to stay in bed for a couple of days"

"Ok" he rested his head against the pillow

"I ucan stay with y if you want, I mean you will need that someone take care of you"

"that would be lovely, but you don't have to do it if you don't want"

"I love to do it" she said brushing his blonde hair. Both of them were smiling "really Matt, I am going to be there for you always, you know it, right?"

"Yeah"

Gabby moved her hand and started to caress his right cheek. He seemed not to care that she did it, rather he liked having her soft hand stroking his rough cheek. "You need a good shave" she said joking him "your beard is a little prickly"

"I can imagine it" he said laughing "that would definitely what I will do first when I come back home"

"Oh seriously, I thought that you wanted to have a shower first" she said ironically "it has been a few days since you have the last one and you stink"

Their jokes where interrupted by a knock in the door. Matt looked to Gabby, surely it was the psychiatrist, Matt didn't wanted to see him or talk with him, but he knew that if he wants to leave the hospital he had to talk with him. As if she knew what he was thinking, Gabby took his hands and said "I'll be here with you, no matter what happen, alright?"

Matt nodded and said "Come in"

Dr. Tisdale entered in the room happy that Matt was awake and in good moods. Their laughter could be heard in the hallway. His mother and sister entered also in the room behind him. Christine and her mother sat near to bed. Matt was happy that they were also there for him

"Hi Matt, how are you?" Dr. Tisdale asked

"Fine, but not thanks to you" he not looking to him

"Matt" Gabby reprimanded him before that his mother could do it. In her interior Nancy smiled. Gabby was proving to be a lovely girl who is worried about her son.

"it's doesn't matter, he is right. It's my fault that your left eye s bruised now. I am sorry. Can we talk a little bit?"

"Can Gabby be here also?"

"Yes. I don't mind" I grabbed a chair and sat in front of them "How are you? When I come here we could heard a few laughter coming from this room"

"I am felling better. I am ready to go home"

"I know Matt. There is someone who could be there for you"

"She" he said referring to Gabby

"And also your mother and sister" she said looked to them

"we talked yesterday, and we can take shift for look after him" Christine explained

Matt looked them and smile. His family were helping him to get out the hospital.

"That would be great. Tell me do you know how you can find your gain?"

"Gain?" Gabby said

"Yeah. He told me that "a lost could be also a gain" and now I have to find what could be a gain after all of this" he explain "I think that I need time. Time for thinking in what I did, and how that have affected to my life. I think that it would be a good idea if I leave Chicago for a while, maybe two or three weeks. Alone" he said looking to all of them "I do not expect that everything is going to be as before" he said when saw their concerned faces "I know that what I've done is serious and it has left consequences. I am ready to carry with the consequences of what I've done. And it will not be easy to forgive me. We are all very shocked by what has happened in so little period of time and I had not treated you very well when all that you want was to help me. But I need time, all of us" Christine rubbed his shoulder smiling to him

"That it what we wanted to hear from you Matt" Dr. Tisdale said "you know that what you have done it's bad and I am sure that you are not going to do it again. In my opinion you are ready to go home. However, I would like to talk with you again a few more times" he gave him his visiting card

"Do you know where do you want to go?" Christine asked

"Maybe to Luke Carroll Lake" he said smiling

"I want that while you stay there, you call me at least for a few minutes each two or three days or if you need each day, each day"

"Ok"

"After lunch you're free to go home Matt" Dr. Tisdale said before left the room

"Thanks" he said happy

"We thought that would be easier for you, because you to be in bed for at least a few more days, is you go to your house and we stay there with you" Gabby said

"Each one will stay with you while the other two are on work and one night" Christine added

"I will stay tonight because tomorrow I am not on shift" Gabby said rubbing his shoulder.

/

Later, when the sun was setting over the horizon; Matt and his family came back home. He was a little scared; it had been five days since taking the sleeping pills and just thinking that he would have to sleep in the bed in which nightmare started, made him to feel nervous.

"There are several food prepared in the fridge" His mother said "I prepared the chicken soup that you like it. You only have to warm it up a bit" she rubbed his shoulder.

"With with noodles and carrots?"

"Of course honey"

"thanks mom" he sat on the couch giving a long sigh

"Are you alright?" his sister asked

"Yeah, it's only that I am little tired" he smiled slightly

"Ok, so we are living now" His mother and sister kissed him in his check "Gabby our numbers are in a memo in fridge's door, if you need something, whatever calls us, ok?"

"Sure, don't worry. I think that we will be fine. Do you want that I warm some of the soup"

"Yeah, why not?"

They ate delicious soup that his mother had cooked. During dinner neither spoke much, but none cared, because it was one of those silences in which there was not necessarily to say anything. A glaces could say everything in that moment.

After dinner Matt took a quick shower and put on his pajamas while Gabby get ready to go to bed too. He usually wore only sweatpants or if it was really heat, he slept wearing only his boxers. However, as Gabby was sleeping in his house that night, he thought that she might feel awkward so put on a shirt. He entered in his room with a towel around his neck, water drops down his toned neck.

"How are you?" she was setting in his bed in the nightstand there was a glass of water and a bottle of antibiotics.

"Fine" he looked the bed sheet. Those were not the sheets of the bed the last time that he was at home. Someone had the curtsey to change it.

"I thought that it would be better to change the sheet. I hope that you don't mind" she opened the bottle of pills and took one of them and gave it to him.

"No, it's fine. Thanks" he took the pill and the glass of water. His hands were shaking, that was the first time I had to swallow a pill since he took the bottle. Gabby noticed and grabbed his hands; she took the small pill and placed it between his lips; he took a small sip of the water and smiled pleased "Thanks"

"You still have wet you hair. Sit in the bed" he did what she said and she took the towel from his neck and dryer his wet hair with it "much better. Do you want to sleep?"

"I am not sure" he recognized ashamed "I think that I am not ready to sleep again in my bed"

"Do you want that I sleep here with you?" she proposed

"Will you?" he asked trying not to sound too desperate

"Lie on the bed" she said smiling

"Yes, sir" he joked lying in his bed. Few second later, Gabby joined him. It was a little estrange for them to sleep both of them in the same bed.

"For your own good I hope you do not snore"she said, breaking the weird silence.

"Don't worry I don't snore. I swear" he said laughing

"good night Matt" she kissed him in his check and turned off the light of the nightstand

"Good night Gabby" he said closing his eyes

* * *

**Hi**

**How they wake up the next morning? It's will be weird for them or something natural?**

**I hope that you like the chapter and let me some reviews.**

**Tomorrow, I will start with a new chapter of "Let her go" well in reality I have some paragraphs in Spanish, and I only need to translate them. Maybe it will be finish for Sunday or Monday I am not sure.**

**Have a good weekend.**

**Namine Redfield**


	8. Confusing felling

**Hi how are you?**

**I know it has been a long time since I published the last chapter of this fic, but like I said before, in this moment I am student for me final test and for the Poster presentation of my dissertation. In reality, the University's Library is my house now. I am there since 8:15 a.m. until 16 p.m. and when I come back home I am really tired and maybe a write some paragraphs but I am not happy with the result =(. I only write some one-shot just for distract myself of the subject**

**However, last night, I sat in front of my laptop and started to write this new chapter. I hope that all of you like it and let me some reviews. Besides, I want to say thanks for the reviews that some of you let me in my two one- shot "I need to know that I am not dreaming" and "I am not giving up my dream" I want to respond to your reviews but like I said I don't have so much free time. **

**This chapter was longer but this morning I decide to break it in two parts, because the final part was not finished and finished will take more days….. **

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews of the last chapter:**

**- BolanSpencer: thanks for the favourite and follower I am glad that you like my Fics =)**

**- jscat2: I hope that you like this new chapter and let me know if you like it how Matt woke up XD**

**- M. Louise E: yeah, like you said, Matt is talking about what he did. However, it is really hard to speak about that, you felt ashamed because you tried….But don't worry his friends are there to help him ^^ About the trip, it will be maybe in the next chapter, no in the following, what is going to happen in that trip?**

**- Ms Isabella: Thanks for your review for the fifth chapter ^^**

**- country-chick-20: He needs both of them there for him, but in this chapter you will understand a little bit why Kelly is angry with him, and also in the next chapter :D**

**- Ms Isabella: Matt is recovering, but it will take some time for being againg fine and happy =)**

**- xxwinterbeautyxx: Well, he is still angry with him, you will find in this chapter why, but don't worry, they will be freind again in no time ^^**

**- Camila: Olá. Thanks for saying that you love my fic. Like I say before, I published two one-shot during this week in case of you were interested… ^^**

**-Guest: Yeah, he and Gabby had to open their eyes and understand that they are made the one to the other **

**-goldistic: Thanks for your review and I hope that you like how they wake up ^^ and let me say you that if you like the DAWSEY of the last chapter, wait to see what I have prepared for the next chapter ^^**

* * *

Chapter 8: Confusing felling.

The first rays of morning sun began to seep through the curtains of the room. Matt opened his eyes feeling, by the first time in the recent days, relaxed and not as sleepy as he was when he woke up before. That was the first night in which he could sleep without the nightmares that he was suffering lurked him while he was sleeping. Gabby was the reason, she had been there for him while he was in the hospital.

He didn't know it but she stayed wakes near to him all the last night making sure that he was fine and didn't suffer any nightmare. However and as a consequent she didn't get so much sleep, but she didn't mind as long as he was fine. Few hours after he fell asleep she decided that it was time that she sleeps a few hours.

He blinked a few times and looked the alarm that was in the nightstand. It was barely half past seven, so he closed his eyes, he didn't need to get up yet. He could stay more time in bed sleeping or just lying in his bed and doesn't do anything. He was going to fall asleep again when he felt someone's hand was moving around his waist and rested on his hip. He opened his eyes again, he looked down and saw how Gabby's right forearm was resting peacefully on his stomach and her hand, which was under his shirt, was resting on his left hip touching his bare skin. She was still sleeping near to him with her head resting on his right shoulder breathing on it. It can be said, that the left side of his body was crushed under her weight.

Matt smiled when he saw that Gabby had her mouth slightly opened. "_She is so gorgeous"_ he thought. Some morning in the firehouse, he used to get up really early just for looking her sleeping, thus, in his way to the kitchen he walked near to her bunk; she looks so peaceful when she is sleeping. In some cases, when he saw that nobody was looking him, he even dares to tuck her and stroked her check.

Her hand moved again distracting him from his thoughts this time her hand rested on his left pectoral and her head in his chest. Her skin was so softly under her touch and all her gave off a pleasant scent of vanilla. Matt swallowed; he could feel how all his blood was concentrating in that moment in only one point of his body. He looked down and saw that his concern was true.

He moaned slightly when her knee grazed the lump that his pants could not hide any longer. He couldn't understand why his body was reacting like that under her touch. He felt so ashamed because of it. Of course it wasn't the first time that he wakes up having an erection; he used to wake up having some of them while he was with Hallie, but it never happened because of other person. It was always Hallie who caused him this kind of reactions and feelings to his body.

"_I have to get out of here before she wakes up and find it" _his mind said. Carefully, he tried to move Gabby's body but it was impossible, unconsciously she hugged tightly to him. He couldn't move, his body was prisoner under her and her leg was resting dangerously near to his lump.

He tried to focus in other things such as what was the last construction work that he did or whatever that could help him to distract his mind of her body. Although it was impossible, spite of it was awkward for him to wake up like this; part of his mind was saying him that it was ok and normal that she has that effect on him, he always found her really attractive and wake up with her near to him was amazing feeling.

While he was with Hallie, it was rarely the morning that they two woke up like this, with the other's arms wrapped around them. Matt liked to cuddle her while he was sleeping but she didn't like so he stopped to do it.

Gabby move again and rolled on her side, so Matt could have the change of getting out of his bed and not wakes her. He looked down and it was more noticed that before. _"I have to do something. I can't let her looked me like this" _

Without lose any second he went to the bathroom, took off all his clothes in a record time and entered in the shower. He took a few breaths and turned on the cold. He moaned as soon as the first cold droops touched his body. He had to fight against his desire of closing the cold water but the thought of Gabby founding what happen to him stopped him of doing it. He rested his head and his back under the wall of the shower; he was in that position during a few minutes.

"Matt, are you ok?" Gabby asked opening slightly the bathroom's door

"yeah" He yelled nervous because his body still present some signs of what happen before "I am fine. I am just having a quick shower. In one minute I be outside"

"Ok. I am going to prepare something for breakfast"

"Ok"

/ After finished his shower he began to tremble, he knew that it was a really bad idea to shower with cold water but he had no alternative "_You had other alternative" _his mind said while he finished of drying his body. "_No, I couldn't do that_. _She is my best friend and if I do it that would have been awkward" he _dressed with a jeans and a shirt. _"It would not be the first time that I think she could be more than a friend" _he said remembering the Christmas party. He wanted to kiss her that night, however, he and Hallie broken few weeks early and he felt like if he was using her, and she was really important to him and he wanted to do it right. However, after that night a lot of things happened between them. He thought that he will never have the change of kiss her again so, he prefer to hide all the feeling that he had for her. And now, months later, those feelings were coming back.

"Good morning" Matt said entering in the kitchen; his short hair was still wet.

"Morning" she said "I hope that you don't mind but I borrowed one of your sweatshirt. I was cold when I get up this morning. How do you sleep?" she was focus in prepared the breakfast that didn't noticed that Matt's lips were a little bit blue and he was still trembling because of the cold shower. She tuned to looked him when he didn't respond to her question.

Matt was hypnotized, he could not even vocalize any word. That was the first time that a women wanted to wear his cloths. She was wearing a small short, which allowed him to see her long, muscular and brown legs, and on the top one of his sweatshirts, that spite of being so big for her she looked great with it. He coming back to the reality and said the first thing that comes to his mind. "Sorry, I don't mind" he said blushing

"Are you ok?" She approached to him and touched his forehead and neck, but as soon as he felt her soft skin against his, he stepped back "you are really cold. Have you showered with cold water?" her voice sound like if she was saying rather than asking

"No" he lied rolling his eyes sitting in the table with the hope that if it happens again to him what happened this morning when he woke up, he could at least dissimulate it.

"Don't lie to me Matthew" she said pointing him with the spatula that she has in her hand.

"Yes, I had a cold shower" he admitted "I needed to wake up after" he said still remembering how he woke up with Gabby cuddling to his body, breathing in his neck. It was awkward but part of him, and he don't understand why, liked it and he wants to repeat the felling of having her body near to his. "Never mind"

"You should not do that. Your defenses are down, you could catch a cold" she give him a cup with hot coffee "Drink this, it will help to get you warm" she continue cooking their breakfasts

"Yes mom" he joked "What are you cooking? It smells great"

"Pancakes" she continue cooking

"I love it" he said smiling

"I know, but after what you have done I am not sure if you deserve some of them" she joked "what do you want to do today? I'll be here until six o'clock. At that time your sister will come and stay here with you until tomorrow"

"I forget that you are on shift tomorrow" he was sad, he wanted to go also to firehouse and see some of the guys, but after what Chief Boden and Severide said to him he doubts if he is going to be welcome there. She put in front of him a dish with three pancakes "thanks" he took the syrup bottle and put some of it in them before he eat a little piece of them "they are great!" she was a really good cooker even better than Mills, he loved when she was the one who cooked in the firehouse.

"Are you still thinking about leaving in one week?" she sat near to him with her own breakfast

"Yeah. I feel I have to do it. I need to clear my mind"

"Matt. If you want I can go with you, I can talk with Chief and ask him for a few days off"

"No. I am going to be fine. I promise" he continues eating his breakfast "Anyway, what do you want to do today?"

"Maybe we can watch a film" she said after thinking what they could do

"Yeah, why not? It has been a long time since we do something together" he said smiling. They continue eating their breakfast in silence.

/

After finished their breakfast, he cleaned the kitchen while Gabby took a quick shower. When she finished, she walked to the living room and found him sitting in his couch surfing through the channels of the television trying to find a film to watch.

"The notebook" she said excited when one of the channel announce that in a few minutes the film will be transmitted "Did you watch it?"

"no"

"I can believe that you didn't watch it" she said surprised "it is a romantic film and in my opinion, it is really good. I watch it at least five times" However, she doubted that after all that had happened to him, he would like to see it.

"Do you want to see it one more time?" he said smiling

"you don't mind?" she asked surprised that he wanted to see a romantic film with her. In wasn't the first time that they watched a romantic film together, but it was always in the firehouse and Shay or other of the guys was there with them while they watched it.

"No come on let's see it" he slapped the spot in the couch near to him "Do you want popcorns or drink something?"

"Yeah, but you stay sitting here, I'll get the popcorn" she walked to the kitchen and come back some minutes later with a big bow of popcorn and sat near to him.

The film started and both of them were watching it concentrated in what was happening in the story. They share the big bowl of popcorn, Matt tried to get popcorn without touching Gabby's hand, but it was difficult to avoid her hand and at least one time their hands were found in the bottom of the bowl; both of them smiled as teenager when that happened.

At some point of the film Gabby started to feel her eyes really heaviest and it was difficult for her to understand what the actors were saying. Finally, she couldn't resist during more time and she closed her eyes. Unconsciously she rested her head in the right shoulder of Matt.

Matt stared her while she was sleeping in his shoulder "_she's been so worried because me during the last days that she forget to take care of herself, but why she did that? We are just friend is not like is she was my girlfriend_" he thought confused. In the past, when he was ill or injured during one call, Hallie was worried of him, but she never used to spend the night near to him like she did. Having her beside him gave him strength to get out of bed and face what he had done.

He continued looking her studying every detail of her. Her hair is longer than when he met her by the first time. In reality, everything in her has changed since they met six years ago. She wasn't look anymore like the young woman who was scared when there was danger in one of their call. No, she had changed, now she is brave and decided. And he loves it. "_The only thing that has not change in her during all this time is the brightness that have has her eyes when she is excited or happy about something_"

Suddenly, he felt the desire to embrace her with his arm. Slowly he removed his arm, which was under her body, passed it over her and rested it on her shoulder after kissing her in her brown hair. Embracing to her and with a big smile in his face, he continued watching the movie until he also began to feel tired and fell asleep with his head resting on Gabby's.

At lunchtime Christine arrived to the house; she used the spare key that Matt gave her some month ago so she didn't wake up them in case that they were sleeping. When she entered in the living room she found both of them sleeping in the couch embraced with the television on. Gabby's head was resting in Matt's chest and one of her hands was under his shirt touching his left side. In the case of her brother, his head was resting in the couch and his hands his arms were tightly embracing her.

Christine took her purse, grabbed her cell and quickly took a picture of them thinking that they looked so cute how they were in the arm of the other. After that, Christine went to the kitchen and started to cook something for their lunch.

Gabby was the first one who woke up of their nap, she felt shocked after realized that Matt was holding her in his arms and she had her hands under his shirt touching his skin.

"Oh my God, did I really felt asleep?"she said rubbing her eyes "Well, at least, he is also sleeping" she smiled _"He looks so handsome and relax while he is sleeping. He looks like a baby" _thinking that they were alone she stroked his check before kissed him there while her one of her finger was stroking his jaw. She had always wondered what she will feel waking like that with his arms around her. And now that does had happen, she felt incredibly well "_Why I felt like that?"_ she thought "_He is best friend I can't think about him like that. He needs me and I have to be his friend" _she said to herself._ "I am going to be always the best friend and nothing more"_

/

The rest of the day was fine. The three of them have lunch together and after that Gabby went home to rest because the next morning she was on shift and she was really tired.

Staying at home with his sister was really boring for him. He would have preferred that was Gabby the one who stay with him rather than Christine. It isn't that he doesn't like to spend time with his sister, is just that with Gabby everything is better, he feels so good when she is whit him and he doesn't understand why.

After dinner he went to bed after speak with Gabby by phone. She promised him that she will call him the next morning during her lunch break and visited him in two days.

He couldn't wait until hear again her voice.

/

The next morning, Gabby was walking to the firehouse with a cup of coffee in her hand. Spite of she went to bed really early last night, she was really tired. Matt and she only sleep together in the same bed and couch one time; however, she missed the comfort that his body gives to her while she is sleeping.

"Hey Dawson" Shay called her when her friend entered in the locker room "How is Casey?"

"Hi. He is at home and he is as good as it can be expected" Gabby sat in the bench while she changes her cloth for her EMT uniform "Yesterday, I was with him most of the day and he was fine"

"I am glad to hear it" she said happy that Matt was fine. She sat near to Gabby waiting that she finished of getting dress "when does he come back? That he said something about it?"

"I don't know" Gabby lied. He had told her that maybe he couldn't come back to the firehouse fifty-one anymore. Nevertheless, he wasn't sure about that "In this moment is difficult for him. You know, after what he tried to do some days ago and he knows that all of us know it that he tried to kill himself. It is difficult look someone in the face after that, he doesn't say anything but after he come here to firehouse when he ran away from the hospital, he was ashamed and didn't look at me to my eyes or his mother or sister when he talked with us"

"I know what you mean. Do you know what happen with Kelly some days ago when he went to the hospital to speak with the psychiatrist?" she said concerned about her best friend. She know that something was bothering him but each time that she asked him or pushing him to speak about it he left the room angry and never gave her a answered.

"Don't you know it?" Shay shocked "Severide punched Matt during the session with the psychiatrist. Matt had a black eye during a few days"

"Oh my God. Did Kelly really do that?" Shay said not couldn't believe it. He looked so worried about his friend some days ago "I am going to speak with Kelly" she rose from the blench and walked to his office when Gabby grabbed her hand

"No Shay please"

"Matt is his best friend and I don't understand we he did something like that to him"

"I think that he is jealous. In a few days he will be better"

"Why is he jealous?"

"You say it. Casey and Severide had been always best friend since both of them were candidates in this firehouse fourteen years ago. And Matt called me instead of him when he ran away of the hospital"

"Gabby, maybe you and him have not noticed yet, but I do. You are really important for him and he is really important for you. It is not just friendship what I am referring, between you two there is something more. Thrust me. Why do you think that he always speak with you when he has to make an important decision like with what happened with detective Voight some months ago. He appreciated you more than you think"

"Come on Shay" Gabby said blushing

"Gabby I mean it" she said holding her hand "you didn't see it but his eyes shine every time you smile. And why do you thing that he helped you to found the new door of Molly's, because that was something important for him and you two had had a big fight and he wanted to get you back and he did not know how" She was going to say something when Gabby's cell rang.

"Saved by the bell" she joked "Oh no!" she said worried after see who was calling her

"What's up?"

"Christine is calling me" she took a deep breath and answered her call "Hi Christine, What's up?" Shay was looking her really concern about what could be happening to Matt "ok, Don't worry. I am going to speak with Chief Boden and ask him if Shay and I can go there alright? Put on his head some cold compress it will help to reduce his fever" she hung up the call and rose of the bench.

"what had she told you?"

"Matt is ill" she ran to Chief Boden office, he was speaking whit Severide. She knocked on the door and chief Boden indicated to her that she has to wait. But, she couldn't wait knowing that Matt was ill, so she opened the door. "I am so sorry chief" she said when she saw his angry face.

"What it's so important like to you interrupt our conversation?"

"Christine had just called me saying that Casey is ill. He has woken up throwing up, with vertigo, feeling dizzy and with high fever. Can Shay and I go to his house?" Severide looked her worried and later to his chief.

"Go. But keep your radio on in case we need you" he said after see how worried she was.

"Thanks chief"

* * *

**Hi again.**

**Matt and Gabby are thinking about the feeling that they have for the other. How will Matt be? Was Kelly really worried because of his friend?**

**I hope that you like this chapter. I am going to start writing the next chapter of "Let her go" maybe I will have it for the middle of the next week, but I am not really sure.**

**Have a good Sunday**

**Namine Redfield**


	9. A little Advance

**A little advance. **

**Hi, how are you doing?**

**I am so sorry. I know that it has been a long time since I published the last chapter of this fic but, I was really busy with me tests and with me dissertation (I get Upper second class in my paper :D). **

**In fact the chapter is finished since last week, however, my Beta is also bussy so he or she couldn't check the new chapter of this fic yet. Like I say I am sorry.**

**However, I think that for all the support that you have give me, all of you deserve an advance about what is going to happen.**

**I will write when I published the chapter, like I did with the others, a small message to everyone who let me a review in the last chapter.**

**Just a quick message for CAMILA: Olá, I see that in the last chapter of "Let her go" you tried to give your e-mail, however, I couldn't see it. I think that FF doesn't allow to see the e-mail adress (I don't know Why). If you enter in my Profile you will see that at the end there is a -email adress of gmail, that is me adress, send me an e-mail saying me that you are Camila and I will add you. ****Obrigada **

**And now a little advance**

"Have you looked him?" she said referring to Matt who could barely maintain his balance "he is pale and he could collapse in the shower or even throw up again. I am going to stay with him in the shower.

"Yeah" he nodded smiling "I will be fine"

"Are you sure? If something happen to you while you are in there, Gabby, Shay and your sister will kill me" he said trying to look scary but in reality he was joking

"Don't forget my mom" Matt teased

"Casey looked me" Severide grabbed his head "You can't live in the past. The past is the past and you have to continue with your life. I know that it hard because you thing that maybe you don't deserve to continue with your life" Matt had some tears falling down his checks. "It is time that you continue with your life"

**Ok, I think that it is enough (I am really bad right?)**

**As you can see it is three diference escenes, maybe when I published the Chapter some thing could changes (Overall the grammatic)**

**Just one more thing I published a new one-shot "I love bring work to home" in that moment I and waiting that my beta check it, as soon as he send it back to my I published a new version and it will be included like the second chapter.**

**One more time, I am sorry.**

**I will publish the chapter as soon as I get it**

**Namine Redfield**


	10. Nurse Severide

**Hi how are you?**

**I am really sorry for the delay; it has been more than 20 days! My beta and I had been really busy during those days with exam, finals, assessment…**

**Besides, in one week I will come back home. Finally, after six months I will be at home again =) but, during at least one or two weeks, I will not be able to write so much because I am going to spend time with my family. But don't worry, during the next week I will try to write more chapters and send them to my beta (af1011) so, he or she could check them and when I received, I will posted them. **

**I hope that you like this chapter and let me some reviews.**

**-Thanks to my beta af1011 for check all the errors XD**

**-M. Louise E: yeah, finally it looks like if everything is better again :D, Thanks for the luck **

**-Justicerocks: Don't worry, the kiss that everyone is waiting will be soon =). You are right, he shouldn't had shower with cold water^^**

**-Jscat2: I am glad that you like it the part in which he needs a shower**

**-Goldistic: I hope that you like how Gabby takes care of him in this chapter. **

**-Camila: Olá Como você está? ****Obrigado por seus reviews e suas idéias (sorry, I am not sure if I write it properly). At least, you don't have to wait so much for read what is going to happen. I hope that you like it and If you have any idea send me an e-mail. **

**-laua: Thanks for your review, I am glad that you like my fic and thanks for the favourite and the follower**

**-CTFXC-Zoe H: Thanks for your review, I am sorry for the delay**

**-****mimie05: Thanks for the favourite and follower, I hope that you let me review with your opinion**

**-**** Vsanson11: thanks for the alert. ****I hope that you let me review with your opinion**

**- skicat82: thanks for the follower.** **I hope that you let me review with your opinion**

**- sheylly234554: thanks for the favourite and for the follower. I hope that you let me review with your opinion.**

**Just one more thing before you can read the new chapter, one week ago I write a one-shot namely "I love bring work to home" in this moment my beta is checking it and when I have it I will put again of FF so all of you can read it.**

**Thanks I hope that you like and let my some reviews!**

**Namine Redfield**

* * *

Chapter 9: Nurse Severide

Matt was lying in his bed trembling under the sheets. In the middle of the night, he woke up felling really badly. His throat was irritated and he was sneezing and coughing throughout the rest of the night and he didn't get to sleep much. Tired due to lack of sleep, he got up out of bed but he started to feel dizzy and as a consequent, he started to throw up all the contents of his stomach. Luckily, his sister entered in the room before he fell on the floor and helped him to lie down again in the bed.

"Gabby is in her way," Christine said sitting in the bed near to him. "How are you?" She touched his forehead to check if her still has a fever.

"I'm cold," he whispered weakly.

"I know." She put a cold compress on his forehead. He moaned when he felt the cold cloth on his head. "I know, Matt," she repeated and put an extra blanket around him. She rose off the bed and ran to the front door when she heard someone knocking on the front door. "Thanks for coming," she said when Shay and Dawson entered into the house.

"Where is he?"

"In his room." Gabby sprinted to his room, took a deep breath, and opened the door. He was lying in the bed, cuddling on his side under some blankets. "Hey," she said softly, entering in the bedroom. "You miss me so much you got sick to see me again? You couldn't wait two days?" she asked jokingly. He smiled weakly at the comment and nodded.

"How are you?" Shay asked a couple seconds later.

"I threw up a few times, I'm cold, and Christine said I have fever."

"Ok, let me checked you." She took off the blankets and saw that he was trembling and covered with sweat. "Can you take off your shirt? I want to hear your lungs." He nodded and tried to move but every single move made his muscles ache in pain. Looking like he was having trouble, Gabby helped him take off his shirt.

"Where is the thermometer?" Gabby asked.

"Here," and she gave it to her.

"Open your mouth, Matt." He did what she ordered and she put the small thermometer in his mouth under his tongue. "How are his lungs?"

"Clean," Shay said. "His temperature?"

"103," Gabby said taking out the thermometer. "How high of a fever did he have when you called us?"

"101," Christine said worriedly. "His fever is rising fast."

"What do you think, Shay?" Gabby asked looking him. His eyes were closed and he was trembling.

"What about a cold shower? Christine, start to run the water. Casey, we need you to get up, you have to shower."

"No, please," he begged. "I don't want to take a shower."

"Come on, Casey." Gabby grabbed one arm and Shay grabbed the other, helping him to get up. Slowly, the three of them walked to the bathroom and they sat him on the toilet. "Matt, we have to take off your sweatpants." She grabbed the hem of his pants and began to pull them off.

"No, please," he repeated, grabbing her hands. "I don't want to take a shower." He didn't mind that they would see him in his boxers, it wasn't the first time; he just didn't want to shower because he was so tired and all he wanted to do was sleep.

"Matthew, take off your pants." his sister ordered.

He rose from the toilet and let Gabby helped him take off his sweatpants; he was only wearing a pair of blue boxers underneath. In that moment, he wasn't sure of what was happening around him, he knew that it had to be something serious because Shay and Dawson were there with him, and his sister was so worried. All he wanted was to feel better and sleep a couple of hours.

"Ok Casey, get in the shower," Shay said after checking the water temperature.

"No." He refused to get in the shower; "I am going to throw up again." Without losing a second, Gabby gave him a paper bag just before he threw up. During that time, Gabby was rubbing his back in small circles in his bare skin.

"You feel better?" she asked when he gave her the paper bag.

"Yeah." They helped him walk to the shower.

"Wait."

He was so pale that Gabby would not be comfortable with him being alone in the shower. She took off her uniform, and wearing only her lingerie, she approached him.

"Dawson, what are you doing?" Shay asked, shocked, holding her right forearm. "Are you crazy?"

"Have you seen him?" she asked, referring to Matt, who could barely maintain his balance. "He's pale and he could collapse or throw up again. I am going to get in with him. I can't see him through the shower's glass and wouldn't be able to do anything," she said finishing their conversation. She was the first one who entered the shower. "Come on, Matt." She helped him get in the shower. He looked like a small child and he moaned as soon as the first drop of water touched his warm skin. He tried to get out but Gabby held him, placing her hands on the back of his neck. "It's only going to be a few minutes, I promise," she whispered in his right ear.

"I want to get out," he said crying.

She hugged him and placed his head on her shoulder. "You can't, Matt." She rubbed his back and shoulder for a few seconds. He was still trembling under her touch.

Outside the shower, Christine was looking at them with tears in her eyes, nevertheless, she was also happy that Gabby was there for her brother. She didn't know what to do; it was the first time she has seem her brother like that, it wasn't the first time he was sick but, he never had such as high fever.

Shay was shocked after seeing how Gabby was able to relax Matt so easily. Spite of what she denied, she knows that they were made for each other; they just need time to figure it out and maybe a little push.

They stayed under the water for a little more. Matt's hands were wrapped around her waist because he couldn't stand up on his own and her hands were at the back of his neck. Their chests were touching as well as their forehead. "Ok, let's get out here." She was the one who got out of the shower and helped him get out. Immediately his sister grabbed a towel and started to dry him off.

"Hallie?" he asked looking at her after she took off the towel on his wet blonde hair. "When did you get here?"

"Matt, it's me Christine." She was shocked. He was having hallucinations because of the fever and he confused her with his dead ex-fiancée.

"Christine?" he asked more confused. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

"Shay, get ready, he is getting worse," Gabby said drying with a towel. "The shower only reduced his fever a little bit."

"On it." Shay grabbed the medical bag and prepared a syringe for the fever. "I am sorry buddy." Matt moaned when he felt Shay injected the liquid into his left buttock. "I am sorry Matt," she repeated. "This will reduce your fever."

"Come on, you have to put on some dry clothes and come back to bed." Christine helped him go back to the bed where he exchanged his wet underwear for new ones and a clean shirt. She dried his wet hair and laid him on the bed.

"Why did you do that?" Shay asked Gabby, who was redressing into her uniform.

"What did you want me to do?" She asked "Leave him alone in the shower? I couldn't do that? He is my friend and I am worried about him." And with that she went to the room. "I will not forgive myself if something happened to him while he was in the shower."

"And you said there is nothing between you two," Shay said to herself. "How is he?" Matt was lying in the bed and the sheets were covering the lower part of his body. She could see his chest rising and falling. He was asleep.

"He is sleeping again," Gabby said smiling "It's possible that the medicine is beginning to take effect on him." She looked at him sleeping under the sheets and caressed his cheek ."In a few hours he will felt better."

"Thanks," Christine said brushing Matt's hair. "I didn't know what to do. It was the first time I have seen him like that."

"It's normal," Shay said. "I mean, his body has been through a lot in the last couple of weeks and he didn't get enough rest and now his body is forcing him to do it."

_"Ambulance 61, possible heart attack. 261 Marple St." _Dispatch said.

"Copy that. We are on our way." Shay grabbed the medical bag.

"I will call you later." Gabby rose from the bed and followed Shay.

Both women sprinted to the front door at the same time Severide was knocking on the door.

"What are you doing here Kelly?" Shay was still annoyed with him since Gabby told her he had punched Matt. "Do you want to punch him again?" she said sarcastically.

"I am worried about him, alright? Chief let me take the day off to be with him and his sister in case they need something."

"Yeah, whatever," Gabby said. "We have a call"

"Be safe," he told them before they entered in the ambulance. "Hello," he said entering in the house.

"Hi Kelly," Christine said coming down the stairs. "How are you?"

"I am fine, thanks. I am sorry I came without calling. I was in Boden's office when Gabby said that you had called her. I was worried about him." He rolled his eyes. In spite of the fact he was still angry with Matt about his attempt of suicide and everything that had happen between them since that, he was really worried about him. He looked around the ground floor. "How is he doing?"

"He is resting now in his bed thanks to them" she said referring to Dawson and Shay. "They gave him something that hopefully will stop him from throwing up and it's supposed to reduce his fever." She smiled, she knows that Kelly was worried about her brother and being there asking how he was just confirmed it. "Do you want to drink something? Coffee, maybe?"

"Yeah. Coffee will be fine if you don't mind." Both of them went to the kitchen. Christine took the coffee maker and poured a little in a mug before giving it to him.

"Thanks." He took a small sip of it and added, "How is he doing? I mean apart of being sick."

"I think he is a little bit better." She smiled after remembering when she arrived at the house and saw her brother and Gabby sleeping together in the couch. "Yesterday, while Gabby was here with us, he looked like the old Matt. Always smiling and making jokes. I haven't see him like that in a while." Her eyes were filling with tears.

"Hey," Kelly said rubbing her back. "Don't worry. He'll be the old Matt that we knew. He just needs time."

"You are a good friend Kelly."

"I don't think so." He sipped more of his coffee.

"Of course you are. You and Andy Darden have been his best friends. When our father died and our mom went to prison, he changed completely." She paused because she wasn't sure if she should continue with the story. "He was a teenager one second and the next he was an adult. He was completely alone here in Chicago. Our father's family didn't want to take care of him, but our grandmother convinced them to do it. I was at a university on the other side of the country and I couldn't take him. However, when our grandmother died, and he turned 18, they kicked him out of their lives."

"He never told us anything about that."

"He becomes really withdrawn. When I was on summer break and I came back here to Chicago, he wasn't the same. He started to work by doing construction for a living."

"I remember that while we were in the academy, he always sat alone during the lunch break. He used to sit at the end of the same table that Andy, some other guys, and I would eat lunch. Sometime he looked like he wanted to say something, but I guess that he was too shy to ask us if he could eat with us," he said remembering like it was yesterday when he met hos friend for the first time. He was younger than he and Andy. They were 22 while he was only 20.

"It was hard for him."

"I remember that Andy was the one who went over to talk to him. I don't know what he told him but both of them were laughing and since then, every day, he sat with us."

"Later he met Hallie, and thanks to her he started to relate and trust more people." She didn't like Hallie so much because she didn't want to start a family with her brother. However, she still remembers when Matt came to her house and said that he had a girlfriend.

_Flashback_

_ Christine was finishing off cleaning the kitchen when someone knocked on the door. She left everything that she was doing and went to see who was knocking. _

_ "Matt," she said, happy to see her brother on the other side of the door. "How are you doing?"_

_ He smiled softly and said, "I'm fine."_

_ "And your arm?" He had suffered a second degree burn on his right forearm during his last call two weeks ago. As a consequence, he was on medical leave for at least a couple more weeks._

_ "I just had another appointment with my doctor," he said shyly entering in the house. "She said that everything looks fine." _

_ "Your appointment was with that cute doctor? What was her name? Thomas? Yeah, Dr. Thomas," she teased him. She met his doctor when she went to the emergency room to see how he was. She was a new doctor at Lakeshore and she was the same age as him._

_ "Yeah, that one," he said smiling. "Do you have a sec; I would like to talk with you about something?"_

_ "Yeah, sure." By the tone of his voice, it sounded to be really important. "Tell me whatever you want." _

_ "She and I had a date two days ago." He was blushing. _

_ "No way. Really?" she said surprised._ _Although he was 21, he never had a girlfriend before. Moreover, his sister even doubted that he had sex with someone before. _

_ "But that it's not all," he said blushing even more._

_ "There's more?"_

_ "When I went back her to her house, we kissed and now we are a couple," he said smiling._

_ "That's great," she said hugging him, "I am really happy for you." _

_ "Thanks. And how is your little girl?" He touched her belly._

_ "How do you know that they're not a boy?"_

_ "I guessed."_

_End of the flashback_

"Kelly, do you mind staying here with him? I have to go for at least an hour. There is a problem with my job," she said after checking her phone and seeing that she had some miss calls and a text from one of his friend.

"I don't know. I am not sure what I'm supposed to do if something happens to him again," he said scared.

"He is sleeping." She grabbed her coat. "If he wakes up, just check and see if he has fever. If he gets worse, call Gabby again. She will know what to do. If y'all get hungry, there is still some soup in the fridge. You just have to heat it up before eat it. Thanks, Kelly. I will come back as soon as I can." She left the house without giving him time to say anything.

"Alright," he said, not really sure what he could do. "I will go to check him." He went upstairs and tried to find the master room which it was difficult since he had never been there before. When he finally opened the correct door, he walked into the room trying to make as little noise as possible. He approached the bed and saw that Matt was still asleep; he took a blanket and tucked him. Matt opened his eyes after feeling the soft touch of the blanket on his body. "Hey." Kelly smiled to him and sat on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm cold, can you hand me my sweatpants and sweatshirt please?" Severide nodded and went to Matt's wardrobe to get his clothes while he got up out of the bed.

"Can you get dressed on your own?" Matt tried to get dressed by himself but it was still difficult to keep his balance. "Let me help you." Kelly sat him on the bed and helped him with the sweatpants. After that, he helped him with the sweatshirt.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"You're not going to try and go back to sleep?" He could say that Matt looked really tired and that he also looked like he hadn't slept that much last night.

"No, I don't want to sleep, I want to go downstairs." He knows that he needs to rest, however, he was tired of lying in bed and not doing anything. At least if he was downstairs he could watch TV or talk with Severide or his sister.

"Ok." Kelly grabbed him and helped him to get up. "Do you want to watch TV with me? I think there's a game in a couple of hours. The Blackhawks play the Detroit Red wings." Kelly smiled. Both of them love to watch hockey games. There was a point in time when they went with Andy to watch them at the stadium, but it had been a long time since then.

"That's going to be an interesting game," Matt said smiling too. "In the last game they play the Blackhawks lost because of a goal in the last minute."

"Don't remind me," Kelly teased. "They fowled in the last minute but the umpire didn't call it." Slowly, both of them were walking downstairs. It was difficult for Matt to keep his balance, so Kelly had his arm around Matt's waist while Matt's arm was around the neck of his friend. "Take it easy."

"It's not the first time that an umpire has seen something but didn't call it."

"Yeah. We are downstairs now, where do you want to go?"

"I need to use the bathroom."

"Why you didn't say anything before?" Kelly wasn't sure if there was a bathroom on the ground floor of the house. Matt moved to this house two weeks after Andy's death and he was so angry with his friend that he never came to see it when he finished all the construction that he was doing on it.

"I don't know. I didn't want to go before but I want to go now."

"Tell me you have a bathroom on this floor. If not, we will have to climb the stairs."

"Yeah, don't worry. It's that way." He pointed with his head to the right. A few seconds later they arrive at a door. "It's in here." He opened the door and they entered into the small bathroom.

"Are you going to be ok on your own?" he asked before leaving him alone in the bathroom. "If you want I can stay with you." He was worried that he would start to throw up again, or maybe lose his balance and hit his head against the sink.

"Yeah," he nodded smiling. "I will be fine."

"Are you sure? If something happened to you while you were in there Gabby, Shay, and your sister would kill me," he said trying to look scared but in reality he was joking.

"Don't forget my mom," Matt teased.

"Yeah, your mother too." He closed the door and let Matt do what he need to.

Meanwhile, he was looking at the different picture frames Matt put on the walls of the living room. Some of them are of firehouse fifty one. In another one, there was his sister and mother with him. The three of them were smiling at the camera. However, there was one that caught his attention immediately. In the picture there was a young Matthew Casey, with a man that looked like him.

"That was my father," Matt said behind him.

"I figured, you two look alike." He pointed to the picture and said, "You haven't changed a lot since you were a teenager."

"The only difference is my hair." In the picture, his hair was longer, as for the rest of his body, he hadn't changed that much.

"How old were you in that picture?"

"Fifteen," he said, a little nostalgic because a couple weeks after his mother took that picture, his parent divorced and he left with his mom.

"Where do you want to go now?" he said, changing the topic.

"Living room?" he proposed.

"You decide." Slowly, both of them went to the living room and Kelly helped him sit on the couch. "Are you hungry or do you want to drink something?" he asked, remembering that his sister said that there was some soup in the fridge. "Your sister said that there is soup in case you want some."

"Yeah, a little bit of soup would be great, it's my mom receipt and it tastes great. Where is Christine?" He didn't notice until that moment that his sister wasn't here.

"She said that there was an emergency at her job, so she had to leave. That was an hour ago," he said after checking what time it was.

"Did she say when she was coming back?"

"No. I'm sorry, until she comes back, you are under my command." Severide walked into the kitchen to heat up some soup for both of them.

"Nurse Severide," he joked.

"I heard that."

"Are you going to eat with me?" Matt asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah, why not?" Kelly smiled. It was good to be with his friend again, but they need to talk about what happen in the hospital. "Go back to the living room."

"No way. You have already burnt my kitchen and it took me too many hours to fix it."

"Look who's talking, you can't cook anything either." He grabbed one of the kitchen cloths and threw it in his face. "And that was only one time at the firehouse when we were candidates," he said laughing.

"I still think you did that on purpose so Boden wouldn't make you cook again." Both were laughing but Matt started coughing violently.

"Are you ok?" He gave him a glass of water.

"Yeah," he said hoarsely. "Thanks." He took the glass and sipped the water.

"Come on, the soup is ready." He grabbed two plates. "Do you want to eat in the living room?" Matt nodded and both of them went there to eat the delicious soup. There was silence in the living room, only broken by the sound of spoons.

"Do you like it?" Severide nodded smiling.

"It's great. I don't remember when the last time I have eaten homemade soup."

"My mom used to prepare it when my sister, dad, or I were sick." he smiled, remembering how many times he had pretended to be sick so she would cook it for him. She always made him feel special. He was her little boy and he loved that she looked after of him.

"Do you want to watch a movie? The game is at 8. We have a lot of time."

"Yeah." He finished his soup. "I will clean this up," Matt said but Severide was faster than him and took the dirty plates, spoons, and glasses they used for lunch. "Hey," Matt said annoyed.

"You are not going to clean up. You are sick. Go to the couch and rest."

"But you cooked."

"No, I just heated it up," he said, putting the dirty items in the sink and started to clean them. "Come on, go to the living room and find a movie to watch. It will only be a few minutes." Kelly said but Casey didn't move. "Matt, if you don't choose a film now I'll do it, and trust me, If I do it will be a horror movie." He knows Matt is a little wimpy and he isn't a fan of horror movies.

"We can watch a horror movie if you let me cuddle with you during the scary parts," Matt joked and Severide looked at him surprised "What? Girls are not the only ones who can cuddle during a horror movie."

"I can believe it, are you telling me that you cuddled with Hallie while you two watched a horror movie?" As soon as he said her name he regretted it. Matt was shocked. It had only been two weeks since she died and he was still hurting. "I'm sorry, Matt."

"Don't worry, it's ok," he smiled. "I still find it difficult to understand that I am not going to see her again."

"I know what you mean."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, Sure, Whatever you want." Kelly dried his wet hands. Both went to the living room and sat on the couch.

"Hallie and I had sex the day before she died," he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Whoa," was all Severide could say. "But you two broke up a couple of months ago, after Thanksgiving." He remembered that after the car accident where Matt helped woman in labor on the highway, he and Hallie broke their engagement.

"She went to Molly's when she came back from South America. We had coffee together, some lunch, and I don't know how we finished in her bed."

"I am sorry, buddy." he patted his shoulder.

"The thing is, I guess I should be more depressed but I'm not. I don't know if that makes sense," he said frustrated.

"Of course that makes sense. You two broke up and that night didn't make any feelings for her reappear."

"But I am not sure because she died the next night."

"Casey, look at me." Severide grabbed his head. "You can't live in the past. The past is the past and you have to continue with your life. I know that it's hard because you think that maybe you don't deserve to continue on with your life," Matt had some tears falling down his cheeks, "But it's time that you move on with your life."

"Thanks." Kelly hugged Matt and ruffled his blonde hair.

"Matt?" Severide asked after a few seconds of silence. He felt the weight of his friend on his arm. He looked at him and saw that he was asleep. "It's going to be ok, buddy." He laid him on the couch and tucked him in with a blanket. "It's going to be ok."

* * *

**Hi again!**

**I am going to start tonight or tomorrow with the new chapter of "I am not giving up my dream" and "how to save a life" I had finish the next one of "Let her go" and my beta is in this moment checking it.**

**I hope that you have a great week**

**See ya!**

**Namine Redfield**


End file.
